American Idol 8 - Episode 1

First and foremost, welcome to American Idol Season 8.
Let's jump right in:
I wasn't entirely pleased with the episode an overall scale. I had some laughs, sure, but not as many as I thought I would for an opener episode to the season. Paula was semi-conscious rather than semi-unconscious, which is my prefered state for her. In any event, they do get funnier as they go along, so we'll see it pans out.

I know this is just a show - so it's not really like all four judges sit there and listen to EVERY SINGLE PERSON. I get that there is a round before this and the contestants are prescreened. I get that sometimes, to make TV - you really have to put the bad ones through, just because they'll create a spectacle of themselves. But I have two thoughts on this. A) Obviously, in order to make a proper ratio and keep things moving along in the audition process, you'll turn down someone who really could have been good. Really could have made it...just to make room for the ones who will make asses out of themselves and 2) These asses ACTUALLY think they're good and stand a chance since they go through to the next round with the real judges. So it's false hope. And that's not fair. Because then we get into my next topic ---

I have ZlataThoughts on these contestants:

• Randy with Bandana: Really, buddy? Are you seriously crying? I'm not entirely sure why you decided Bon Jovi would be the right song to audition with. I'm not even sure why you brought your guitar when you didn't even use it. Poor choice of song and you cried. You suck. "I just want somebody to tell me that's I'm great." You're not. I will congratulate you on pulling one of my favorite American Idol moves: continue singing in hopes of making it through, even though you've already been tossed aside like Jennifer Aniston when Angelina Jolie came along. Move on.
  
• J.B. Ahfua aka Filipino Boy: I voted you a "no" and sadly lost because you actually made it through. Congratulations. Next time, however, please make sure you get the lyrics right. You sang "waking up inside you" instead of "waking up beside you."
• Scary Weird Striped Shirt Boy aka Michael Gurr: I really lost it with you. I have a bad habit of spitting out water when something is funny (I can't really keep it in, I snarf all over the place - quite embarassing.) In any event, that happened. And when Simon said, "You litteraly could have been singing in Bulgarian..." (yes, I said that in my head with his accent) - I almost lost it again.
• Did I just see a woman who looks exactly like Mr.T? But ghettofied with flourescent pink and aztec heiroglyphics shaved into her head?
• X-Ray: Put down the peyote. "Cactus Baby?" Really??
  
• Bikini Girl: I had locked in a "no" vote for you when you were in the teaser before the commercial break - I'm surprised I was wrong. Sure, you had an okay voice - but it really didn't do anything and you essentially got in because you were wearing a bikini. I don't mind, I think it was a great play, just sayin'. Also, you have a sick body. Also, how did it feel tonight watching yourself on tv as the cameraguy pan your ass several times?
  
• Eric Thomas aka "Sexual Chocolate"- oddly enough, one of my ex's nicknames as well - : You really just got a car for not making American Idol?
  
• Cody aka Danny Noreiga Part 2: I voted "no" for this guy. I lost again. He reminds me of Danny Noreiga from last year's season, only less enthusiastic and comical. Anyway, he made it but he won't go far. More importantly - he makes horror movies. I tried to find them on youtube. I was unsuccessful.
• Alex Wenger-Troutman aka Plain John with witty comebacks: He goes through, even though Simon made fun of him a bit. Did that phase Alex? Nah, he retorted, "That would be a good joke if it made sense." <-- I think that's funny.
• Scott McIntyre aka Cute Blind Boy: LOVE him. I mean, obviously I'm like an emotional mushball, but he's sooo cute and adorable. His hair reminds me of Jon Abels', I will say that. Anyway, I genuinely think he was good and it wasn't the sympthoy vote that got him through. Now, I don't discriminate, regardless of race, color, creed, religion or origin. So I had absolutely no problem rewinding and rewatching in slow motion how Ryan Seacrest tried to HIGH FIVE this poor blind kid!! Did anyone catch that?? Literally, Ryan went to give him a high five, was left hanging for a second until he realized Homie can't SEE his hand to high five it. Yea, Homie don't play dat ... game.

So that's all I got for you for Episode 1. Till the next time.