Resolutions for 2009

I've decided there's no point in making resolutions that never pan out. I wanted to focus more on actually accomplishing them. Therefore, I think the following is a good starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 lbs.
2. Stop exercising. It's a waste of time.
3. Read less
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some really good stuff
5. Procrastinate
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: maybe try a narcotic of some sort.
8. Spend more time at work.
9. Take a vacation to somewhere important, like, to see the world's largest ball of twine
10. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dashboard
11. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words
12. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt
13. Only wear white t-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms
14. Personal goal: bring back disco