Today's TFLN Features

(301): He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
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(573): Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
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(310): I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
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(416): I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
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(214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...
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(319): i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Note: this is HYSTERICAL because it so obviously was written by a female. Whenever I'm at a bar and there's a drink on the ledge of the toilet bowl I think, "That sucks, she forgot her drink!" -- but this girl drank it off the bowl! Love it.
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(312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
(847): details on that.
(312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
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(509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
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(206): Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
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(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
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(302): i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
(1-302): you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
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(607): I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
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(813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
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(626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
(1-626): You have mice?
(626): no why?
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(484): I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
(484): I'm in love
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(773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
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