June 14, 2009

Pass me the remote

I always seem to relate my neurosis on one topic to my neurosis on another. That's generally how I come to the realization of certain things. For instance, the other night, I decided to start watching a movie around midnight. After going through my TV's channel guide feature, I opted for the cleverly funny "Heartbreak Kid." But instead of just settling for it, I had to keep going through the entire menu of 800 channels to see if there was anything better on. But like, why do I do this? I knew I wanted to watch this movie, but just HAD to know what else was on. I do this ALL THE TIME with the radio, too. Sure, I may like the song that's on in the car - and I'm boppin'/singin' along to it, but all the while, I'm wondering "hmm, what else is on?" -- which is why the scan option is crucial for me.

So, to get back to my initial sentence, these two minor habits seem to manifest themselves into my personal life as well. Here I am, a single gal, going on plenty of dates - all the while constantly wondering who else might be better suited for me - regardless of if I actually enjoy the company of the person I'm out with. I'm completely aware of the fact that not only am I only fucking myself over, but I'm also sharing this notion with the rest of you and opening the door for judgment.

I'm not trying to say I think "like a dude," but in this respect, I feel like maybe I do. Or, is every other woman like this, too? People who are in long term relationships obviously don't count, since they've already jumped this hurdle. But I mean, single people - in search of significant others - especially men - are always afraid to settle. It's like they're choosing one woman over the REST of the women on the planet. I get it, it's a big commitment. So it just doesn't make sense in my head. If I'm hanging out with someone more than two times, it's obvious that I like them, since there's no point in wasting time with anyone you DON'T like. But my question is - why is it that I'm always thinking about changing the channel?