November 1, 2009

Random Ramblings About Men vs. Women

Please be warned that I'm writing in a stream of consciousness and am going to be too lazy to proofread. In fact, I have no idea if any of this will make sense. Here we go:

Women are always complaining about how lucky men are since they'll never have to deal with "women's issues." They don't double over in pain from menstrual cramps, pass a living human being through any orifice on their body, visit Dr. Duckbill annually - hell, most don't even know what a UTI is. How many women out there think men have it easy? Honestly, what do they occupy their thoughts with? Chocolate cravings? The need to shave their legs daily? The ridiculous accumulation of make-up and hair products?

Me on the other hand, I think about times when I WOULDN'T want to be a man. Like, when you're married with kids, sound asleep in your bed and are woken up by a loud noise. Guess who's going to grab the bat and check it out? Not you. The man. I mean, I don't know about you - but I wouldn't want to be a man right then and there. Hell no. Poor guys have to get up, creep down the stairs in the middle of the night, slowly walk around to make sure all the doors are shut, etc. I've seen enough scary movies to know how THAT ends.

Another reason I wouldn't want to be a man stems from the fact that I have no game. Like, none. So if I have no game as a woman, who is usually on the receiving end of flirtation, can you imagine what it's like to be a guy and have to do the "hitting on"? Poor fellas. I love the lines they throw down or the attempts they make at trying to talk to women. I'll give you an example. This one time I was out and I was talking to a guy friend of mine. I noticed this [insert adjective for unattractive] guy constantly looking over at me, trying to make eye contact. It's like you don't want to look, but you know you're being glared at and you just HAVE to. It's like a supernatural power. You always KNOW when you're being watched. So I'll admit, there was a few minutes of sporadic eye contact and a few minutes of me trying everything in my power NOT to look (all the while completely not listening to what my male friend was saying.) All of a sudden, I see him walking towards me and completely interrupts my convo with male friend. He puts his arm around me and says, "Hey honey...Sorry I lost you - been looking everywhere for you. Got the beer you asked for - who's this guy?" Like, this dude thought he was SAVING me from a conversation with a man I didn't want to be talking to. Get it? I mean, in theory that probably played out better in this dude's head - but I was talking to a FRIEND - not a stranger. I will say, however, the bit of eye conact may have given off the wrong impression and I do give him credit for having a set of steel balls. So, Mr. Yellow Shirt Dark Jeans, if you're reading this - thanks for the beer!

Or what about when a guy says that he wants to stay over and just cuddle. Really buddy?! I played that card three years ago - "cuddling" is not how the night ever pans out.

So yea - recently, I've been getting hit on a little more frequently. Randomly. Though of course, end of the night drunken propositions could happen to anyone, so I'm not thinking it's a result of my Today Show makeover, ya heard? But like seriously, propositions like this are SO 2002. Like, I'm not interested in randomly hooking up out of boredom. When I was younger, sure - let's get it on till the break of dawn - but now? What's the point? (By the way, I hate saying "when I was younger" because I always want to think "but I AM young now" - but really it's like, "No, Z - you're not, ok? You're old.") Anyway, am I the only person who thinks like this? Should I be having sorority-style booze-induced wild shack-up weekends? Is that what a single women in her late 20's should be doing? I don't know if it's maturity or the fact that I'm really "a lady" - but it's just on my "Over It '09" list. See "Over It '08" list here.

That's all. I'm done. For now.

Did any of that make sense?