November 22, 2009

Zlata's Thoughts on the American Music Awards

Janet Jackson opened the performance in quite a boobalicious outfit with a 90's compilation. I'm really enjoying her performance. Miss You Much & If -- key songs of my youth. This whole thing really makes me miss Michael Jackson. I cannot believe he's gone. I really REALLY cannot. I wish she sang some of the songs instead of lipsynching them.

The line up for the American Music Awards is so great -- and the fact that Paula Abdul is hosting -- well, we're in for a FUN FUN TIME!!!!!!!

Favorite Pop Rock Band, Duo or Group
- Black Eyed Peas
- Kings of Leon
- Nickelback
AND THE WINNER IS .... Black Eyes Peas!

Favorite Country
- Rascall Flats
- Sugarland
- I don't remember
AND THE WINNER IS .... Rascall Flats!!!

Dear Pete Wentz, why the hell are your jeans so tight?? I really CANNOT STAND IT.

Daughtry performs now.....You know what's great about American Idol? It assures that your voice is good not only in a recording studio, but also live -- and Chris Daughtry, even though voted off early, is clearly superior to all other candidates.

And now Shakira -- like, she SUCKS. I'm so over her! The dancers are doing a better job in their choreography than she does singing. Honestly, it sounds like she has a frog in her throat.

Keith Urban wants to kiss a girl -- cool -- maybe he should realize he's married to Nicole Kidman.

Reba McIntyre is up on stage next introducing Kelly Clarkson - yet another American Idol talent. I mean, it's no wonder I'm obsessed with the show. She really has amazing natural talent. Great control of her voice -- just love this lady.

Snoop is up next standing next to...Joe Perry, who apparently is now a certified pilot, given his outfit.

Favorite Pop Rock Female Artist
- Beyonce
- Lady Gaga
- Taylor Swift
AND THE WINNER IS ... TAYLOR SWIFT ... in London, where Kanye can't interrupt her!

OH, hey A-Rod ... thanks for stopping by to introduce Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. I LOVE JAY-Z. Like, LOVE. Look at him in his little white tuxedo! This song gives me chills -- I'm just so proud of Jay-Z - I can't explain it or put it into words. If my endorsement meant anything to anyone - I would vote him the #1 artist of all time. I'm not kidding. Maybe my goosebumps stem from the fact that I'm MOVING to NEW YORK in T-minus five days? Concrete jungle where dreams are made of!

Remember when Perez Hilton was a no one? Yea, I do.

Hey Christian're still alive?

Favorite Alternative Rock Artist
- Green Day
- Kings of Leon
- Shine Down

Nicole Kidman and Kate Hudson take the stage - both of their paramours already having been on. Where are Kate Hudson's boobs? I'm not kidding.

That one guy from Black Eyed Peas looks like Shev from Elmwood Park. People who know him know what I'm talking about. Is Will.I.Am serious? Sometimes I wonder what people in the past would have thought about the performances/styles of people now? The medley is always a good thing, but the performance wasn't THAT great I gotta say.

Why do they keep cutting to Seth Green dancing with a tall blonde? Actually, she's probably normal height - he's like 5'2.

TREND ALERT: I noticed that a lot of female celebrities have really long and pointy nails. Anyone else? Fergie has been sporting them and so did Rhianna in her interview with Diane Sawyer.

Favorite Soul R&B Male Artist
- Jamie Foxx
- Michael Jackson
- Maxwell
AND THE WINNER IS .... Michael Jackson!!!! OBVIOUSLY - LIKE, who else would win??? Also, nice of Selena effin' Gomez to present an award to him. He's like rolling over in his grave. What the shit is that?
Jermaine can kiss my ass. What's up with him not even like acknowledging Michael Jackson the way he deserves it? Instead, he's introducing his kids on stage -- JERMAJESTY??? are you KIDDING ME?!??

The Zack Brown Band (who?) is presenting Favorite Country Male Artist:
- Jason Aldeen
- Darius Rucker
- Keith Urban
AND THE WINNER IS ... Keith Urban.
Also, Darius Rucker? Really? You left Hootie and the Blowfish to be in the company of Jason Aldeen and Keith Urban?

Hi Kris Allen!!!!

Best Female Artist
- Beyonce
- Keisha Cole
- I forget.
AND THE WINNER IS ... BEYONCE. Why couldn't she be there tonight? Why are the winners so predicatable?

Hey NeYo - thanks for introducing Rhianna. She's really a great performer, too. I'm not over her outfit. It's really just all skin. Those mummy wraps are just over her nipples and that's it. I don't get it. I'm not over this. Now they are laser beams out of her shoulder pads? She is BY FAR the most experimental person both with hair and wardrobe. But you know what? Everything looks good at that chick. Good for her.

Rascall Flats introduce Carrie Underwood - yet ANOTHER American Idol! She's lookin' like quite the sexpot. Though, truth be told, I'm not sure if I'd have worn silver shoes.

I'm TOTALLY ON THE GAGA train. I think her music, lyrics, voice and general performance is great. She has amazing stage presence. Bad Romance just reminds me of a really good Euro Trance, back from the days when Euro Trance used to be good. Also , I don't think she has a penis. Is that still a rumor? Anyway, I want to see this bitch in concert. And I want to break windows. And play the piano with my legs crossed. And break glass on a piano that's on fire. With my ass cheeks hanging out.

Perez Hilton - I am speechless. You make me speechless.

Mama Mary J. on stage next! She looks great - thin, classy and actually singing.

T-Mobile Breakthrough Artist Award
- Gloriana
- CarrieHilson
- Kid Cudi
- Lady Gaga
AND THE WINNER IS Gloriana....who?!?!?!

Jennifer Lopez performs Louboutin. Why is she still performing? I'm over her. You had your twins, you married a dork - go chill with your 18 carat ring and enjoy life. And what kind of a song is Louboutin? I haven't heard it ever. I'm going to make a song called Harry Winston and just wait for the diamonds to start pouring in. OMG she just FELL! I giggled.


Aight Whitney Houston - show us what you got! Ok - you got nothing. I'm bored. I want you to sing "I wanna dance with somebody." I'm just so over her.

Next award is for Favorite Country Female Artist
- Carrie Underwood
- Reba McIntyre
- Taylor Swift

Melissa Ethridge presents Favorite Pop Rock Male Artists
- Michael Jackson
- Eminem
- T.I.

Alicia Keys performs - breath of fresh air. She's amazing. But I'm not really into this song. In fact, I'm not into ANYTHING that's happening on stage right now. It's a good thing she just moved to a floating piano...that totally makes this whole set.

Hi Seth Green - thanks for coming. Thank you for introducing Eminem - who I think is second in talent to Jay-Z. Is that weird? I appreciate lyrical genius, what can I say? I would date him. Totally. Although, he's lookin' a little thin - what's up with that?

Timbaland - another good man. Talented not only with rap abilities, but certainly in his producing skillz. Oh Nelly Furtado, you always look so good! Who is this other person on stage? Kylie? I can't tell honestly.

I really don't feel like blogging anymore about Green Day's performance and Michael Jackson is definitely winning the best performer and if he doesn't, something is definitely wrong with AMERICA.

So peace out.