January 27, 2010

American Idol Season 9 | Auditions - Dallas

So today we're in Dallas. Let's get ready for some honky tonk! By the way, American Idol, showing clips of Paula Abdul from past seasons only makes us miss her more. So stop, please.

Doogie Howser, MD - aka Neil Patrick Harris - is the guest judge and I'm really happy about it. I feel like a funnyman is really going to bring a good vibe to the show. Like, ahem - Ellen DeGeneres.

Julie Kevelighan is weird and basically naked. She's tried out before and was not good -- WHY do people think they'll be good years later? She was God-awful with the outfit, makeup, singing - the whole scene...OMG SIMON JUST SAID THAT.

Lloyd Suc-sexy Thomas is a big man. But a funny man. Born and raised in Dallas with two children, Suc-sexy wants to make his family proud. I'm pretty sure he'll do a good job. Singing "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder, he's boring me already. Also, Kara's hair is a mess. And her fingernails are dirty. SORRY - IT'S MY TV - I CAN SEE EVERRRRRYTHING. He goes through. I'm over it. He won't make it far.

The next chick has a great voice and sort of looks like a mix between Kim Sica and the Irish chick from last season, whose name I can no longer remember. Damnit. Simon hates her but everyone else digs her and so she makes it through. She needs to drop like 20 lbs and clear up her skin...but Hollywood will help her with that if she makes it far.

I don't understand what this guy's name is, but he needs a reality check. He says the show is over because he's the next "America's Idol." Dexter Ward is his name. Singing one of my favorite songs by Shay (a song I sing in the shower) - he is just a disgrace.

OMG with these people crying. Ryan, like no need to interview Neil. I feel like they should bone, no?

Erica Rhodes is from Irving, TX. She was a Barney kid. But now she's a dominatrix. No - for real - she's singing Free Your Mind by En Vogue - yet ANOTHER shower song. I think her voice is great, but she really didn't need to dress up like this. She be a fool. But a fool who goes to Hollywood!

Dave Pittman is 27 from Gasville, AK. He has tourette's syndrome. It's a neurological disorder that affects the nervous system - blinding of the eyes, shaking of the head, clearing of the throat. But the TS doesn't affect him when he's singing. .. There's some kind of psychological case study there waiting to happen. LOVE his voice. He makes it through, obvi.

I love montages a LOT. They make me laugh. These people are screaming and falling down - honestly RYAN Seacrest as the best job. Fully. Jobs, actually.

Joe Jonas - WHO ARE YOU? Why are you a judge? I don't get it. He's 12. Right? Is he 12?

Todrick Hall. He sings a song that he makes up himself:
Todrick is my name
And I'm here to play a part in your game
Hopped a plane - took a train
Just to claim my 15 minutes of fame
And to see Kara decked and dressed
Simon's face looking so unimpressed
Sitting there like a bump on a log
Randi what I gotta do to be your dawg?
Tell me do I have to dress up like I'm from
Or sing like William Hung
For you to see there's some potential in lil ol me
Tell me do I have to get down on my knees
In my $300 jeans
Cuz I would
If it meant to me that maybe you could
Just send me to Hollywood

Maegan Wright is up next and I don't think she has a good voice at all. I mean it's NOT GOOD at all to me. But she gets a lot of praise, from Kara especially. Am I tone deaf? I mean, I know that I am tone deaf -- but I don't get it. I don't think she was good.

I don't understand people who are super optimistic all the time. There's something wrong with them. Officially. Vanessa Johnston sings At Last by Etta James -- or at least attempts to. This is bloody awful. Actually, honestly - I think that I'm like this girl. Singing-wise. I'm LOLing.

Christian Spear was diagnosed with Leukemia on her 4th birthday. That's just SO sad to me! But you know she's going to be a great singer -- not because she has this poetic preshow by Fox, but because her last name is Spears. ZING! She sings Etta James and sounds like she's singing. It's quite annoying and I'm telling you right now - if they pass her through, it's a JOKE. I mean, SHE ISN'T GOOD?!?! Right? People - are you thinking she's good?????

I'm over it. Seriously. I'm pissed.