January 26, 2010

American Idol Season 9 | Auditions - Los Angeles

Alright guys, tonight we're going to Los Angeles to try and find the next American Idol.

We start with a stupid history of Los Angeles, which I actually find interesting. Avril Lavigne is the guest judge; I think she's a bit dumb. Like, why does her hoodie have cat ears? You're an ass. Also, your hands are REALLY tan, but the rest of you is pale.

First guy up, Neil, has an IQ of 168, is completely "off" and has a head of hair that would make Uncle Jesse jealous. Attemping to sing Neil Diamond, the fella started off a bit alright, but forgot the lyrics. I mean...ok, he's singing now. He's not BAD, but he doesn't have what it takes. At. All. He refuses to take no for an answer and there's been a bit of back and forth between him and the judges. He's weird and spiritual and needs a grip on reality.

I also noticed that Kara finds no need to make Avril her BFF, clearly because Avril cannot do anything to hep Kara's career and Kara feels above her.

Next up is Jim Ranger from Bakersville, CA. He's a worship pastor. I don't know what that means. Married, 27, three kids and looks like a fat Zack Effron. He sings an original song and does an amazing job. Everyone but Avril says yes to FatEffron and he's through to Hollywood!

Damien LeFavor is addicted to martial arts, and performs some sick ass moves for us on the rooftop of some building. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a disaster. Like, honestly - WHO TELLS THESE PEOPLE THEY CAN SING? Anyway, can I say something? Damien is really handsome. But he's WEIRD. Like if he wasn't weird, he could be a big stud in a parallel universe. Basically, this is an argument for nature vs. nurture.

This rocker chick, Mary Powers, is really badass. And so is her little daughter. She does a really great rendition of Pat Benetar. I'm REALLY into her - she does a great job in her audition. Avril Lavigne needs to learn English.

Hi Adam Lambert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYWHERE. I can't even handle it. All these people trying to look like him! I love it. So next up is AJ, a guy who sent his demo to Adam Lambert, who had great things to say about his singing voice. Well, if that's true - Adam Lambert needs to lean up on the drugs. This kid is AWFUL. Horrific. And there are actually people outside supporting him - who tells this kid he's a good singer?!

Day 2 - Katy Perry is the next guest judge. I bet Kara will be all over her. That's my prediction. Also, Ryan Seacrest is hot to me. I want to pick his brain.

Austin Fullmer is up. "I don't think there's ever been a person as sexual as me." Is he serious? It was a joke. You know what else is a joke? All of these tears. If they were really that good, they'd have gone through. Ha! The Sanjaya Cryer was at tryouts!

This next guy reminds me of Danny Gokey. You too, right?! Andrew Garcia sings Sunday Morning. I LOVE this song and LOVE his voice. He basically fogged up his own glasses! He easily goes through to the next round. I'm crying. I'm seriously CRYING.

Tasha Leyton is a personal assistant during the day, minister at night and a fantabulous singer all the time in between! She's cute and a good singer - she'll make it far me thinks. Top 24 at least. Her dad looks like Darryl Hammond playing Bill Clinton on Saturday Night Live.

Uh.Oh. Jason Greene is a 21-year-old student. He's creepy. "I'm going to win a golden ticket today because I'm good. And I believe in magic." Ok - he's weird, but so was that other weirdo from last season with the two personalities -- remember? I mean, he's not THAT bad. THIS guy is the most sexual person I've ever watched. And I watch a lot of people.

Aw, did you see Katy Perry's shoutout to me? "Three snaps in a Z formation." She's so funny like that. What up, KP?! Miss ya, girl!

wow...so remember when I said that Kara was going to kiss Katy's ass? Damn - Katy is like NOT havin' any of Kara's shit. She's putting her in her place left and right and Kara does NOT like one to fuck with her authority, or authoriTI as Cartman would say. Katy is really not interested in Kara. They are like bitch fighting. I love it.

Chris Golight is GOOD. And his look is really interesting as well. He's Kara's favorite, Randy digs him, Katy hates on Kara and Simon gives the boy a yes. With that, he goes through to Hollywood!

Twenty-two other people make it through to Hollywood, despite Katy Perry's extremely difficult judging technique.

See you tomorrow!