January 25, 2010

The BEST Jersey Shore Quotes from the season

As the season ended, and life as we knew it was over, Jersey Shore left quite an impression on us. Sure, some housemates left a bigger impression on us than others. But there's no denying that each character held a part in making this show so incredibly addicting! I've put together an extensive list of my favorite quotes, separated by housemate. Sure, some have more quotes than others - but it's quality, not quantity....who was YOUR favorite?!


Here is the BIGGEST list of the BEST Jersey Shore quotes from the first season:

MIKE "THE SITUATION"

Mike: This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's ... we call it The Situation
Mike: Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation.
Mike: I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.
Mike: Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.
Mike: Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation
Mike: Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise.
Mike: I'm like, chill out, Freckles McGee.
Mike: You better be hittin' the gym and if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Okay, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half... ya know? Workin' on my fitness.
Mike: Aight, can I be honest with you? ... The only thing we care about is gettin' girls. And going to the gym.
Mike: When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so if a grenade goes off, you have someone to get it first.
Mike: It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.
Mike: If you're hungry, try a snickers. (Snooki: Yeah, try me)
Mike:I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house

ANGELINA

Angelina: How do you go in a fucking jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini ... that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?
Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

VINNY

Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards.
Vinny: I don't give a fuck if you're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years old. I'll dance with ya. I think it's hilarious.
Vinny: Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners. I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight.
Vinny: GTL. Gym. Tanning. Laundry. That's how you make the guidos.
Vinny: Mike is so grimy. She has my saliva in her mouth. I wonder how I taste?
Vinny: Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger.
Vinny: (to Mike) You're 27 years old. I would never wanna be like you when I'm 27.

PAULY D.

Pauly D: I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel ... everything.
Pauly D: In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids.
Pauly D: Dude I got a fuckin' tanning bed in my place, that's how serious I am about bein' a Guido and living up to that lifestyle. My tagline is 'I'm Your Girl's Favorite DJ.' I want the girls to cum in their pants when they hear my music.
Pauly D: Girls love a DJ. Once they see me behind the wheels of steel, they better watch out.
Pauly D: You got to stay fresh. Fresh haircut. Fresh outfit. Fresh tan. Just fresh. You have to stay fresh to death.
Pauly D: She just doesn't want to feel like a trashbag...She kissed me with her tongue
Pauly D: So hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women.
Pauly D: We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat.
Pauly D: My hair didn't move an inch and I was in and out of the water. My hair is windproof, waterproof, soccer proof, motorcycle proof - Im not sure if my hair is bulletproof - but I'm not willing to try that.
Pauly D: I think what happened to Snookers brought us closer to Snookers, definitely, 'cuz now we kinda feel bad. She's a real person.
Pauly D: There are some girls who are respectful, who you have to actually treat like girls, uh, human beings.
Pauly D: We're probably gonna have to chill with them at least three times before anybody hooks up. They're nice girls ... they're not, like, whores.
Pauly D: We stayed boys throughout this whole thing. This bond that we shared brings us together and no one can ever take that away from us, ever. Like, we take that with us for life, this bond ... That was deep.


RONNIE

Ronnie: You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to sh!t.
Ronnie: (to Vinny) That's what you get for putting a fat girl's ass in your face! That's how you get pink eye!
Ronnie: Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse.
Ronnie: I know I said don't shit where you eat, but for her I'd roll around in my shit all day for her.
Ronnie: Yeah, we smooshed.
Ronnie: I would send her a picture of my cock and a pack of bubble gum and say, chew on this!
Ronnie: (to Sammi) If I didn't care, then I'd go find another creature outside.
Ronnie: (to Sammi) I'll suck on your big toe right now if you want.
Ronnie: (to Sammi) I thought the Jersey Shore was the best thing to happen to me but it's not...YOU are



SNOOKI

Snooki: My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot tanned guy and live my life.
Snooki: My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscled ... juice-head guido
Snooki: I am a princess at home, like, I am the fucking princess of fucking Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody. I'm, like, emotionally exhausted.
Snooki: Like, Karma...that is my fucking spot on Saturdays. If I say I'm gonna go wild, I'm gonna go wild.
Snooki: Mike can be a nice guy. Like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. But that's what I like ... a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.
Snooki: He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.
Snooki: I'm a vet tech. I don't kill animals, I save them. That's why I don't eat lobster and stuff like that. Because they're alive when you kill it.
Snooki: I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my frickin' mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled.
Snooki: I'm not a guido. I'm a guidette.
Snooki: If I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, because I know he's a nice guy, he's gotta be clean.
Snooki: (to JWoww) If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons.


SAMMI

Sammi: Next thing you know, the grill is legit burnt. Smoke. Like flames.
Sammi: I didn't even know what was going on in my head ... I'm like 'I'm gonna fuckin' knock a bitch up!'
Sammi: This isn't a joke Ronnie; you don't understand how much I like you.
Sammi: (about Ronnie's parents) I want them to think like, wow, she's like so pretty and everything.
JWOWW

JWoww: I guess I'm single, I don't know. If I am we got a problem on our hands. I'll show my true side ... my true, dirty, fucking filthy side.
JWoww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones ... that's the type I'm attracted to
JWoww: (THIS ONE IS FOR ADAM MCKAY!) I am used to taking shots with the owners after beatin' bitches up