Jade Clark I can tell it is spring by the increased amount of sappy status updates that quote love songs or include '♥ 's
Zhanna Zonis came out of the shower and heard the burglars in our home - talking, arguing, whispering and making lots of strange noises while turning the house upside down... Armed with a toilet plunger and an air freshener (think - mace), I was just about to kick their a$$es... when I realized that the noises I was hearing are my husband and my son SNORING in their sleep!
Brian Capozzi Today feels like a day where I will need my own personal coffee caraffe at my desk... I.NEED.COFFEE
Allan Finn bitched about the shooting pain in my right leg to a one-legged man on crutches. Then I made it worse by saying, "Sorry, I always end up putting my foot in my mouth. Oooh, not good...So why don't we talk about something other than our feet and legs?"
Susie Peters "on to the next one" is sure to give me my next speeding ticket
Aly Walansky Just begged off a party that involved me staying out past eleven on a work night. Where did my youth go???
Marissa Croughan reaLEEy reLEEved
Revi Hay What the hell are these MetroPCS commercials about? And what does getting a donkey have to do with anything?!
Andrew Goldstein The inventor of the ATM machine died today. His funeral will be held in the back of a convenience store by the Snapple fridge.
Kerry Devine Am I for real- crying at American Idol?
Zhanna Zonis BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND: my coffee creamer is still being consumed by an unknown thief at work... (even though I now hide it behind everyone's lunch bags in the back of the fridge!) Now - here's the new catch: one of the breastfeeding mommies here stores her freshly pumped breastmilk in the same fridge... QUESTION: should I or should I not replace the creamer with said breastmilk and let the thief have it?!
Kirsten Ott Palladino just gave someone a poor recommendation after doing a really awful job under my management, and it reminded me that you should never, ever take any position lightly and always do your best, because you never know how it'll affect you in the future.
Stephanie Moran WORD OF DA DAY: "BALL LICKER"..wat is a ball licker?? Who is a ball licker?? Lmao
Cristina Everett anyone know how to file an extension on aging? i don't think i'm ready for this yet
John Skelton I love how over the past few years everyone tells me, get a gmail account, get a gmail account.....ok...so I did. WHERE IS EVERYONE?!?!?!?
USER SUBMITTED:
JoAnn D'Angelo Ciaburri: To all the bathroom bandits who feel the need to shove Avon books in the ass gasket dispenser...you are damaging the ass gaskets which makes it impossible to then remove said ass gasket from the dispenser...please think before you do silly things like this in the future as it is causing very messy lavatory conditions....and very frustrated ass gasket users.....
Mathew Reiffe: Study finds that 100% of people who think they have constipation are full of shit.
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Thanks for your ThoughtZ!