The Jersey Shore - Season 2 Episode 5

Disclaimer: My Jersey Shore blogposts are NOT for recapping purposes.  I'm going to just ramble my general observations and reactions instead of writing a play-by-play explanation of what's happening.  The point is for you to read these blogposts and think "OMG, I totally thought the same thing!" and "Yes, that's the exact quote I was looking for from [insert housemate's name here] - awesome.   Here we go:

• JWoww's boobies are like, really nice.
• I love how Snooki gives Emilio another shot after he cheated on her, but then when he doesn't want to talk about gay guys making out, she's over him.
• The girl Mike brought home a girl with a really big forehead, FYI
• Mike "Now I have Kristin, who brought her friend, who happened to be ... uh...a hippopotomus"
• "NOBODY'S UGLY AFTER 2AM"
• Are you guys understanding what's happening right now with the setup with the girls who are at the house?  This has to be the most successful maneuver I've ever seen.  The hippo is going to bed. Slut one jumps into bed with The Situation.  Slut two with Pauly D and Slut three with Vinny.  People just want to eff, man.  It's crazy.  Like, they just get into bed. And are going to have sex. And it's like, understood why everyone's there.  To have sex.
• DROP the sunglasses Slut #1!!!!
• Vinny got the prettiest girl
• Angelina really should have helped clean up.
• Mike: "Please hit the treadmill" to Angelina.  Not cool bro.  If she needs to hit the treadmill, then I need to go climb up and down Mt. Everest a few times...a week.
• Is JWoww single?
• Aww, Mike is so so so so cute.
• They are totally going to bang.
• Single Snooks!!!
• Snooki: "...sympathetic.  Word of the day 'sympathetic'.  That's a big word.
• JWoww sort of wants to see shit go down.  Sort of.  Snooki feels more badly than JWoww.
• My heart is beating thinking of Sammi finding this note.  I'm serious. Like, I can't take how she is going to feel when she sees this.  Ronnie is going to be pissed obviously and want to kill the person who did this. BUT what he SHOULD concern himself with is how Sammi FEELS.  Put your roid rage testosterone aside for a hot second.
• Vinny was like "I don't know, Sam" but Pauly D is straight up lying for his boy.
• I "like" to use "quotation" marks.
• Does anyone watch The Real World anymore?
• Ron - "I see the word 'wisely' and I know Snooks doesn't use that kind of language."
• Dude, Ron was effing wasted. He did it, but he doesn't remember it. Or if he remembers it, it was REALLY the alcohol.  We've all been there.
• I feel REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD FOR SAMMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Why are there commercials every two fucking minutes?!
• It's not ironic that Sam answered the phone.  She lives there.  That's not irony.
• It's fucked up that JWoww is straight up lying that she didn't know.  What do these people think is going to happen when this show airs?
• Mike SOUNDS guilty the way he's reacting.  Like if we all didn't KNOW who did it, I'd think it was him.
• I love The Situation by the way.
• You didn't do your job as a girlfriend JWoww because you lied right to her face.
• Dude, what's up with the commercials?  I'm serious.
• I see Ronnie's buttcrack!!
• Fucking Ron - you're gonna go call girls now???  That's just like straight up disrespectful.  Straight up.
• The bottom line is that these people are immature and I'm a LITTLE bit over it.
• I'm irritated at the show right now.
• Ok, after seeing the scenes for next week, I'm NOT irritated anymore.  Can't wait!