Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

I judge your status updates:

Ari Bernstein Dear English Professors, I teach my students psychology, but your obviously not teaching them how to write.

Sara Garibaldi After learning that ARod tops my list of attractive athletes, my husband just told me I should call him ARom moving fwd

Skeery Jones Was it wrong of me to turn my headlights on & join the funeral procession so I could pass through red lights?

Kristen DiVita-Sterople overheard: "these are the most comfortablest shoes"

Ali Ringo Sundheim "Alert: color ink cartridge low." Replace color ink cartridge. Print and scan requisite alignment page. TWO MINUTES LATER: "Alert: black ink cartridge low." WHY, HP? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I HATE YOU.

Romina Spinnickie Things I Learned in court this morning:1. People who try to garner sympathy for being poor should not have $1700 purses and 2. People with swastika tattoos with a caption that reads " F@¥% what you think" are scary.

Ben Mehl I just saw a guy carrying 6 cases of cat food. The only acceptable explanations for this are either he has more than 6 cats or he is a serial killer.

Keira Kordowski My friend is climbing Mt Kilimanjaro today. You?

Matt Sullivan I guess they figured that Ashton Kutcher should replace Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men because he's already done such a good job replacing Bruce Willis

Colleen Krenzer the amount of time I've spent thinking about going for a run this morning is exponentially greater than the time that the actual run will take. Procrastination at its finest.

Andrew Goldstein Biggest difference between Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher: One drinks Tiger Blood, the other eats Cougar p*ssy.

Ben Trounson Just read a book to my daughter's 1st gd class about soccer. Got more Qs about my accent vs the book.