Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

I stalk your Facebook Status Updates.

• David Gondres Just saw a guy parked on the side of route 20 taking a shit in the wide open....insane
• Jen Khoury I think it's kind of funny that after living in Atlanta for the past 9 months, my perception of hot and cold is drastically different. For example, 70 degrees is now so cold that I have to wear long sleeves and pants and 90 is warm but I bring a jacket "just in case." Haha it's a little ridiculous.
• Noelle Robillard  Now we know why LeBron chose the NBA over college... he doesn't show up for Finals!
• Ben Schwartz Scrooge McDuck knows that bathing in his money bin just makes him dirtier right?
• Lil Wayne Partied with the NBA champions and the trophy last night. Mark Cuban is a real n!gga...!!!!
• Danielle Theresa I'll be teaching a FREE PILATES class this Wednesday @ 6:15 at Zen With An Edge in Nutley!! Come join me!!
• Justin Mandzik You can't reason somebody out of a conclusion that they didn't reason themselves into.
• Zlata Faerman Last night when I got home from the gym, I said to my fiance Alex Gladunov, "Babe, I feel like my boobs are too big and my ass is too fat. Can you please give me a compliment of some sort?" He replied, "Looks like your eyesight is 20/20" ZING!
• JohnBart Skelton All you Augusten Burroughts fans out there MUST get the book "You Better Not Cry".....it's quite honestly the funniest books ever!!! And I'm only on page 54. Stock in adult diapers will SURELY go up every time this man puts a book out.
• Brian Grzymkowski Reason #324 to get an iPhone - it's ability to bounce back from being fully submerged in hot chicken noodle soup.
• Ed Verdel is craving pelmeni
• Tarik Trad Wife: I want to name our son Lebron James.
  Husband: I don't like it. It has no ring to it.
• USER-SUBMITTED:  Apple is releasing a special edition LeBron James iPhone. Problem is it only vibrates because it has no ring.
• Zlata Faerman How many Tourette's Syndrome sufferers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Two. One to steady the ladder and the other to screw the FUCKINGMOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGSHITDICKPISSING light bulb in.
• Bryce Gruber  I like that our electrician is on the phone with Ashley Brady right now... asking for HER measurements, not the measurements of the chandelier we need moved.
• Jack Tion What stinks and stays in the attic?
  The Diarrhea of Anne Frank.
  Thanks, I'll be here all week.
• Alexis Wagner You know what's fun? Losing your entire hardrive at work...GOOD TIMES people
• Amy Lombarski ‎"Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated"...gym tonight!
• Rae Patrick if your neighbors won't leave you alone, tell them you are a registered sex offender. follow up by offering them homemade candy
• I Have Zlata Thoughts HEADLINE NEWS: Charlie Sheen in talks of of a new sitcom. "Two and a Half Kilos?"
• Siri Garber had to deal with some real trash last night. It is in the bin and disposed of.
• Ben Schwartz With a donation of only ten cents a day, you can help this poor bowl of succotash finally go without sufferin'.
• Sam Leigh your son, Rip, is on line toot.

• Jeffrey George you graduated at the top of your gas.......