January 3, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today.  The Anthony Crupi show.

BREAKING: I'm at Trader Joe's right now. They've run completely out of arugula. There's so much blood...

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the diff— OH GOD!!!! AGGGGGHHHHHH!!! HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!!!! BEARS!!!! PLEASE!!!!! NOOOOOOO…”

Idea for the menfolk: A medical alert I.D. bracelet that reads, “Delete My Browser History.”

Just overheard one male coworker telling another one that he's about "three pounds overweight after the holidays..." Forgive me for wanting to smack him (with my Milky Way bar).

Rule of thumb: If you send me a “Save the Date” request and the event in question does not involve free liquor, consider the date squandered.