April 26, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:


If you're going to celebrate Arbor Day like I am, please be sure to designate a driver.

Is laying on the floor in my coworkers office because vodka is a bitch.

Breaking News: skinny eyebrows haven't been a thing in several decades. Mostly because they don't look good on anyone.

"Dog food lid" spelled backwards is "Dildo of God". That is all...

At my favorite place on earth... Said no one ever — at Lodi Department Of Motor Vehicles.

I just walked up to my friend pearl's minivan, bought 4 tickets to a Girl Scout pasta dinner and walked off. That, ladies and gents, is a suburban drug deal.

My iPod died on my hike, so my soundtrack was the guy behind me explaining to his girlfriend exactly how to stone someone to death.

Your move, Dairy Queen.
Your move, Dairy Queen.