May 30, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention: May 30

You people made me laugh today:

William has started to applaud every time I manage to park the scarily humongous Jeep we are now driving into a small space without screaming or crying. I feel he's clapping sarcastically. Is two too young fof that?


"i know, I'll send them letters with toxic chemicals or poisons" -- a man seemingly unaware of the 0/1,000,000 track record of such attacks


Not sure J.C. Penney got the message. They're removing the Hitler tea kettle billboard and replacing it with an ad for Leni Riefenstahl coffee mugs and Heinrich Himmler doilies.


"Your email went into my junk mail" is the new "The checks in the mail".


Sitting in kindergarten orientation remembering Catholic school and feeling old but happy. Thank God for Botox or I would look how I feel


We're moving to another floor with even tinier accommodations, so I am definitely hiding a sushi roll in my cubicle wall as a fun prank on the asshole who inherits my space. It's going to smell like Death's corpse up in this bitch.


If the content of your Facebook posts is similar to what you're telling your therapist, you're not doing one of those things correctly, and may want to reconsider how you approach both.