Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people are funny:

Meagan Murphy

Ninja-kicking your leg into an elevator to catch it as the doors close is an effective way to make an impression on people in your new office building.

Janine Califano

You know it’s sad when you can’t tell if someone is a hipster or homeless.

Aly Walansky

Mayor's press conference: "Do not go outside if you don't have to, it's very dangerous." So says the man who sent all of your children to school today.

Jen Khoury

I'm at a business meeting this morning. Feeling good, prepared, whatever. I open my purse to grab a pen and realize the underwear I wore Saturday night is sitting at the top of my bag and falls onto the floor. Yep. So that happened.

Matt Elk

Thank you mailman for risking your life during this state of emergency and delivering us the 25% off coupon for Bath & Body Works

Kurt Stradtman

That awkward moment when people are outraged because of Coca-Cola (briefly) showing a same-sex couple with their daughter, fail to realize that the writer of the song that was featured, America the Beautiful, was actually a lesbian. Oh the irony.

http://lgbthistorymonth.com/katharine-lee-bates?tab=biography

Jen Khoury

HOLY FUCK. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being I got a paper cut and 10 being I was kidnapped by a serial killer that has a thing for chubby alcoholics, I'd go ahead and rate my day a motherfucking 17. And to explain it all, I have one word: salespeople. ‪#‎Leavingforlunchandnevercomingback‬

John Bart

Okay but does every single reality show have to have one person trying to sing?!?!

Daniel Modell via Gothamist

Maybe that's the reason Jared got so thin. His stomach lining is part yoga mat.

Subway To Remove Yoga Mat Chemical From Their Fresh-Baked Bread

gothamist.com

Azodicarbonamide is an ingredient used in shoes and other objects we don't traditionally chew and swallow, and it's also found in Subway's bread.

Sam Jones

My new favorite yoga pose: Downward facing couch potato. ‪#‎zzz‬

Kylie Edmond feeling nauseous

Dear NYC Subway: how I love thee & your little surprises. Sometimes it's a homeless guy working out on the train. Sometimes it's a failure for the subway to work at all. Today it was the most vile stench on my carriage that had everyone putting their scarves over their mouths....while a homeless lady literally WIPED HER BUTT with toilet paper!!!!!!!!!

Skeery Jones

Ver-SOCHI Ver-SOCHI Ver-SOCHI Ver-SOCHI Ver-SOCHI Ver-SOCHI! - Drake on the ‪#‎WinterOlympics‬

Mark R. Pinajian

Mama Pinaj wanted to say hi to all my Facebook friends....

Sabina Hitchen

Sister in the travel struggle: we booked a flight back to NYC (yay) then ran into none other than Honey Boo Boo! Dollah gonna make me hollah! ‪#‎honeybooboo‬ ‪#‎tv‬ ‪#‎NYC‬