You people are funny:
Ninja-kicking your leg into an elevator to catch it as the doors close is an effective way to make an impression on people in your new office building.
You know it’s sad when you can’t tell if someone is a hipster or homeless.
Mayor's press conference: "Do not go outside if you don't have to, it's very dangerous." So says the man who sent all of your children to school today.
I'm at a business meeting this morning. Feeling good, prepared, whatever. I open my purse to grab a pen and realize the underwear I wore Saturday night is sitting at the top of my bag and falls onto the floor. Yep. So that happened.
Thank you mailman for risking your life during this state of emergency and delivering us the 25% off coupon for Bath & Body Works
That awkward moment when people are outraged because of Coca-Cola (briefly) showing a same-sex couple with their daughter, fail to realize that the writer of the song that was featured, America the Beautiful, was actually a lesbian. Oh the irony.
HOLY FUCK. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being I got a paper cut and 10 being I was kidnapped by a serial killer that has a thing for chubby alcoholics, I'd go ahead and rate my day a motherfucking 17. And to explain it all, I have one word: salespeople. #Leavingforlunchandnevercomingback
Okay but does every single reality show have to have one person trying to sing?!?!
Maybe that's the reason Jared got so thin. His stomach lining is part yoga mat.
My new favorite yoga pose: Downward facing couch potato. #zzz
Kylie Edmond feeling nauseous
Dear NYC Subway: how I love thee & your little surprises. Sometimes it's a homeless guy working out on the train. Sometimes it's a failure for the subway to work at all. Today it was the most vile stench on my carriage that had everyone putting their scarves over their mouths....while a homeless lady literally WIPED HER BUTT with toilet paper!!!!!!!!!
Mama Pinaj wanted to say hi to all my Facebook friends....
Sister in the travel struggle: we booked a flight back to NYC (yay) then ran into none other than Honey Boo Boo! Dollah gonna make me hollah! #honeybooboo #tv #NYC