February 12, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

If you're over 25 and still think "pregaming" is a thing, you need to re-examine some things.

Just for a laugh - I looked up 3 bedroom condos in NYC. You know - just to look to see if it would be at all possible. It would be so much easier for work if I was in the city. So I took a tiny peek. I couldn't afford Harlem even if I sold blood, kidneys and babies for the rest of my life.

Why is Starbucks so intent on people drinking their dessert in the morning? Whipped cream on my latte. I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls.

I get a strange tingle in my pants whenever I watch a Channing Tatum movie...Is that what love feels like???

Been watching too much Dexter. Woken up by loud music from car in front of building at 4 am. Assume it's a serial killer.

Comedians get no respect no matter how high your level or how much you've accomplished in your career. To illustrate this point, here's a conversation I overheard at a bar:
GUY 1: You hear Jimmy Fallon is taking over the tonight show?
GUY 2: Who the fuck is Jimmy Fallon?
GUY 1: He's that fucking weirdo who did that Red Sox movie.

It's said that the average person experiences 6-12 emotions a week. I can tell you that by watching Downton Abbey, True Detective and Episodes back to back, I experience double that in 3 hours.

Shirley Temple, the dimpled, curly-haired child star who sang, danced, sobbed and grinned her way into the hearts of Depression-era moviegoers, has died at age 85, according to the only person in the world who still knew she was actually alive, her publicist Cheryl Kagan.

What's Edward Snowden's favorite soup? Leak and potato!

Before I die, I'd love to achieve a deli sandwich level of success.