Jersey Shore - Season 3, Episode 5

I'm going to list just my general observations and reactions instead of a play-by-play.  The point is for you to read these blogposts and think "Totally, I totally thought the same thing!" and "Yes, that's the exact quote - awesome."  Here we go.

• So we're at the point where Tommy left JWoww and basically took all her personal stuff, her bed, her hard drive, left her dogs to fend for themselves, etc.  Snooki wants to "hunt him down and chop his nuts off."
• So Ryder comes over to hang with Snooki, but she's not there yet because she's in LI with JWoww.
• Meanwhile, JWoww and Snooki are trying to change the locks to the door so that T-bone can't get in there anymore.
• I don't know if it's because I'm not feeling that well tonight, or what - but watching Deena and Ryder party hard is making ME want to vomit.  I couldn't imagine drinking and doing shots and then going on a ride that goes round and road.
• Ryder's highlights are horrid.
• Where are Ronnie and Sammi?
• Oh, there they are.
• "We're at the bar, I'm enjoying myself and I see Ron talking to a girl at the bar." - Sammi
• "Want me to bring her over? I'll bring her over...She'll show you her c-section." - Ronnie
• Why is Nicky Duck's protective uncle out at da club with his niece?
• SAMMI IS SO ANNOYING. I REALLY WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.  Like, Sammi - grow some sort of self-esteem.  I can't even handle you.
• I love how Mike looks at the cameras all the time because he's probably like buds with the producer dude on set.
• So Ronnie is throwing Sam's clothes all around the room, while she's downstairs grabbing him and herself a slice of pizza.  She comes up stairs and says, "I brought you something," completely not acknowledging her shit all over the place.
• "I don't get an apology, a hug, nothing! I get a slice of pizza - not even a protein shake -- a slice of pizza....really?!"
• "If he's giggling, game over." - Vinny about Ronnie.
• "You're fucking tears mean dick to me ... just so you fucking know." - Ronnie to Sammi.
• I love how The Situation's MO in finding out whether he's going to get it in, is offering the chick he brought home a pair of sweatpants to make her more comfortable.  If she takes the sweatpants, he knows she's staying over.  Because, duh, what girl would change if she's going to leave soon anyway?
• Honestly, the only grenade I see in the house is Vinny's girl.  The two with Mike aren't really grenades.
• If I passed the Jersey Shore house while they were in production, I really might have just walked in to say hi and see what's happening.
• I would be uber-embarrassed if my uncle came to get me. I like, don't get why that's okay with her.
• Ronnie is crying because he loves Sammi, but he's just not happy with her anymore.
• I think that JWoww is stirring the pot just a little bit, to be honest.  She's really doesn't want to be on Ron's shit list, so she told him straight up what she thinks - but at the same time - it's not right for her to say this shit to Ron about Sammi when she's right upstairs.
• Ok, wow - the shit that just went down was NOT cool.  I went from thinking Sammi was a crazy girl to realizing she's the type of crazy that needs some psychiatric help.  Like, she's NUTS.  She's not okay with Ronnie being friends with JWoww because she feels like that was their last sort of "alliance" together (both hating on JWoww.)  But, with JWoww smoothing things over with Ronnie and Sammi getting wind of it, she made a huge deal and literally yelled from the rooftop down to Ronnie to see if he was really friends with JWoww now.  He was very calm, cool and collected and didn't warrant the punch in the face he got from Sammi upon admitting that yes, he's friendly with JWoww now. Which, by the way, can all change tomorrow.
• Side note: I used to be this crazy girl.  I had an ex-boyfriend who made me crazy.  I showed a side of myself that I am not proud of, even to this day.  Sure, reminiscing about me being Rowdy Roddy Piper and throwing haymakers is a good time - but when you're living it - it's certainly not.  Sammi and Ronnie will both come out of this in a few years and realize that what they have is not real love and they truly are better without one another.  But sadly, they won't really understand this until later in life and this energy they're using right now is just a big waste.
• By the way, that was a serious punch.
• "Sammi's ego is a brick wall." - Vinny
• JWoww and Roger get it on with each other.
• I thought it was a mature thing of Sammi to apologize and say what she had to say to Ronnie. And I understand that he wanted to walk away from her.
• OMG I'm crying at this embrace that Ronnie and Sammi are having in bed.  Like, when she asks him if she can hug him goodbye and then his cute little face nodding his head.  Ugh, he's so cute. That little innocent nod - ugh.
• The Situation - "If you guys want me to go downstairs for some makeup sex, just let me know."
• So now, Sammi is staying.  She needs to get her shit together and just realize that life is too short of this petty shit.
• These grunts that happen between Ryder and Snooki -- enough, k? Thanks.
• I don't hate Roger. He's kind of cool to me.
• "It doesn't come up stripper pole on my credit card, right? Cuase my dad will be like, what the fuck?" - Snooki, while buying a stripper pole with Snookster.
• I'm kind of proud of Sammi for changing like this over night.
• "It's not that sturdy - like, no fat girls can go on it...but it would be pretty funny." - Vinny
• I don't get what they're saying about Deena?  Are we supposed to get what's going on?  I really don't.  Can anyone tell me what the hell happened with Deena that the barber knows?
• Looks like we might find out after the break?
• What's with the stupid flower boy thing in her hair?
• Ok wait - so the thing that Deena likes is to eat butthole??  That's the thing? I mean, who talks about that shit in a barber shop anyway?  I'm cracking up. She's being a great sport about it.
• "Karma's a bitch, literally." - Deena
• Good for JWoww - she's happier and can care less about petty shit.  GOOD for her; GOOD for Sammi!
• Ok, well - NOW I want a drink.  I've come full circle from feeling sick in the beginning to wanting a shot or something in the end. 
• All in all, good episode.  Sort of like a happy 7th Heaven-type episode.