A Poem by Zlata Faerman

The following is a poem I penned:

Blind people, blind people
all around the town
Blind people, blind people
how do you not fall down?

I see you underground in the subway stations
You await the next train by listening for vibrations
At some points I hope you won't tilt towards the tracks
But once the train comes and you're on, I can relax

I personally couldn't stand the lack of sight in a city so busy
Hearing people, places and things would put me all in a tizzy
So I commend you blind people of New York
If I could, I'd pass you the 2008 Olympic Torch

Thank you, thank you. I really am amazed by these people though. I'm referring to those who don't even have seeing-eye dogs! I often see this one man on my way to work in the morning, and I just couldn't imagine not seeing where I was going when I was DOWN in the subway station! It's really just commendable and I feel like I love them.

Next topic.

I'm as giving as they come (no pun intended)(actually pun intended)(no, really - no pun intended), but I'm just shocked with some of the homeless people asking for change. I passed this one woman last week who was babbling about something or other, saying how poor she is and how she doesn't have a job and how she's starving. Well guess what, lady? Maybe you wouldn't be so hungry if you didn't have the munchies from smoking that JOINT in your hand!! I mean, the audacity of someone asking for money when they're smoking (what is potentially) pricey and perfectly good pot. Perhaps you should change your whole scene -- at the very least, finish the joint first. To me, that's like a bum holding a Louie Vuitton belt and begging on the streets for a pair of pants. Did you follow that?

Staying on the homeless topic, I tend to make up stories for these people. Yes, I just wrote "these people." I don't only do this for the homeless, don't get me wrong, I like to make stories about anyone I people watch - BUT, it's just slightly more plausible this way. For instance, I was out in LA for the ABSOLUT Los Angeles launch (that was a plug) and on the walk over to the party, our group walked past a homeless man who I -- swear to G-d -- took a double take at. Knowing how equally ridic my friend SB is, I asked her if she caught a glimpse and whether or not she found him attractive. Much to my expectation - she did! Honestly, he was a very hot homeless man. Quickly and dilegently, with no doubt in our minds, we made up a whole story about how he was a model-turned druggie-turned homeless man. There were some other details to his life that we made up, but that's not the point. The point is, Oprah should quit giving makeovers to "mom's with no time to take care of themselves" and work a little on the looks of the homeless.


As you know, weird shit happens to me all the time and I like to think - neigh, I DO think that I possess psychic abilities. Well, this weekend I was relaxing on the couch watching South Park On Demand. I have seen very few episodes, so was excited that my selection du jour was the one where the Chef gets brainwashed and ultimately plunges off a cliff to his death before getting eaten alive by tigers and bears (oh my!) The reason this episode struck me as interesting is because I never did know how they wrote the Chef off the show due to his conflicting interests on Scientology (yet another great episode) ANYWAY -- the FOLLOWING day, Isaac Hayes passes away. For those of you who are slower than others, Isaac Hayes did the voice for Chef. Is that situational irony?

Lesson I've learned since my last post: Do NOT drink at company parties. And, if you do drink, do NOT speak.

xo

Z.