Some Status Updates Are Worth A Mention - 34

Back to the grind, yet another saying I despise. What does that even mean?
Status Updates. Here. We. Go:

• is just not sure that all the coffee in the world will be enough today.
• he definition of my name on urbandictionary.com: "a person who has a very large butt and waddles like a duck."
• Does anyone know whose sharona this is?
• The "Melrose Place" remake signed Ashlee Simpson-Wents to star AND lost me as a potential viewer all in the same hour. Big day for TV!
• is now accepting applications for a boyfriend. If you or someone you know may be interested, send me a message. Yes I am serious.
• Not making it to SXSW this year. If only there was some way for everyone who IS going to communicate to me, in real time, how awesome it is.
• has tried and failed at encapsulating his status update to 160 characters. It is simply too complex and long-winded to fit everything he wants to say into thi.
• wishes the Staples easy button really work.
• is going to be reading War & Peace for the next 17 years. With all the footnotes, appendixes, translations, I have to re-read each page twice. ugh.