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(507): I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
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(301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
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(405): And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
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(650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
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(404): I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
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(864): and the officer said have you been drinking
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman
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(732): so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an "im sorry my friend puked on your friend" card, call me if were still speaking
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(215): im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
(609): dude. stop pregaming the food network
(609): dude. stop pregaming the food network
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(908): what if I'm pregnant?
(848): smusmorshion
(848): smusmorshion
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(702): can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
(702): maybe shoes and water too
(702): oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
(702): maybe shoes and water too
(702): oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
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(917): I cockslap morals
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(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward
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(760): Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
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(425): Hi
(805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now
(805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now
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(843): lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
(404): Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
(404): Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
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(269): Pants 0. Shit 1
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