August 1, 2009

"It's Not You, It's Me" and other things that piss me off

I'm not a big fan of cliche break-up sayings any more than I'm a fan of the things one "should say" to a friend after they've ended a relationship. I expect someone to come up with their own thoughts and feelings on a particular situation based on...surprise...their thoughts and feelings. I don't think it's right to sum up your inner emotions by one cliche line that's been used by a million people already. Cut the shit. Beef up your vocab and learn a sense of expression. My feelings on this are particularly paramount in the genre of relationships -- breaking up to be precise.

So here's a list of some of my favorites.

"It's Not You, It's Me"
Really? That's funny. Most men I know aren't so selfless as to be more concerned with a girl's well-being than with getting laid on a consistent basis. Obviously, if you're not interested in a woman you're seeing - it's NOT a big deal. That's what dating is all about. Just be real and let them know it's not working out for you; that you don't feel a connection. It can go something like, "Hey - I don't really know what it is, but I just don't think I see a future here." That's much more respectable. As women, we appreciate your preference to bow out gracefully, but believe you me, we'd rather you just be straight up. You're right - it's not you, it's me. This goes to the ladies as well. I've used this line before - I'm not gonna lie - but it's just not right. Be honest. if you don't feel a connection, it's JUST.THAT.SIMPLE.

"I want to be with you - you're the perfect one ... but we're just too good of friends."
Cool. So you enjoy spending time with this person, but you feel no physical attraction. Got it.

"I Have A Lot of Issues I Need to Work On Right Now."
Right - issue #1: I'm just not that into you, and have to figure out the nicest way to break things off.

After a break-up, friends are always there to console you. They may tell you things like, "You're better off," and "there's plenty more fish in the sea," - but the monotony of such expressions just bore me. Sure, perhaps we'll realize this with time, but IN THE MOMENT, those who are going through a break-up find it hard to believe it.

"There's Plenty More Fish in the Sea"
You know what my response is to someone who says this to me? "Cool. Glad to hear it. Too bad I can't swim." I mean, I'm a human being - what do fish have to do with it? Or pepples for that matter - "Plenty more pebbles on the beach." And, I'm not a moron - I understand I'm taking it literally and that people actually mean more men/women out there. I get it. I can see them all around me. But after a break-up, you don't care about any other fish. So, what's the point of this saying? It's like being a vegan at a Brazilian BBQ restaurant. There's food on the menu, but it's all meat.

"Move On"
"Yep. No problem, right on top of that, Rose! I'll move on. Just let me pop some pills and chase them with this bottle of vodka." I mean, are you kidding? After breaking up with someone you were in a relationship for a long while, it takes TIME to get over it. You can't tell someone to "move on" too soon after a break-up. Am I wrong, here? I'm not being a cynic, I'm being a realist. I completely understand the necessity of moving on. It's essential and the natural flow of life -- but there's proper timing with such matters and not a lot of people understand that.

"It Takes More Muscles to Frown Than It Does to Smile"
Really? Well it took you more time and muscles for you to tell me that than to just fuck off. Sometimes people enjoy a good sulk. We have to allow for that.