Some Facebook Status Updates are Worth a Mention - 82

The following Facebook Status updates made the cut for September 30, 2009:

• Yeah I watch "Project Runway" and "Top Chef". I'll kick your ass too!
• Sorry I've been MIA for weeks. Undergoing a major renovation in my coop that is causing much anxiety. According the groundhog, at least three more weeks of dust and confusion.
• NEEDS to clean up her DVR-Melrose Place, Biggest Loser, Property Virgins, Real Housewives of Atlanta...where does a girl find the time?!
• going for a run... 10 months of training should just speed right by...
• You guys, watch my company's new show "Mercy" tonight on NBC! (OK, I get a dollar for every point we go up in the ratings.)
• the best thing ever to happen to the world - huge quarts of Panera soup in Costco freezer sections
• is about to commit in-flight infanticide.
• thinks "invaluable" is a terribly misleading word.
• I think the reason I sometimes found Jay Leno to be funny at 11:30 must have been because I was an hour and a half more tired by the time he came on.
• is not concerned that Speidi aren't having sex ... they're doing the human race a favor
• People's lack of knowledge on how to use MS Outlook will never cease to amaze me. Nor will anyone's lack of ability to communicate on a basic human common senese level but still manage to work in communications for a living. Downright BRUTAL.
• Just received a press release from someone who in their signature listed their title as "self-pleasuring expert".
• imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Sam.Doerner@yahoo.com is NOT me but an actual imposter! haha, evidently I've made quite an impact on some sorry poser. Apologies to Joe Davina for he fell victim to a fraudulent email or two.
• So - US cell phones / blackberrys do not work in Cuba!!! and guess what - I still am getting on this flight!! good bye berry. won't miss u while I sip mojitos under the havana moon!
• FYI: "your" = possessive / "you're" = you are / "its" = possessive / "it's" = it is. Learn it. Love it. Live it. PLEASE.
• really remembers why im single everytime i hear about someones bf/gf bs.. holy drama people!!
• just sliced my finger wide open cutting a freaking ice cream cake... says a lot about a professionally trained chef