October 28, 2009

"I'm too fat to have committed the murder"

THIS IS A REAL NEWS STORY.

There's a Floriday resident being accused of killing his son-in-law in New Jersey, using the excuse of being too fat as plea as to why he couldn't have committed the crime.

Taking the stand today for his defense, Edward Ates is expected to tell the jurors that he wouldn't had the energy needed to climb up and down the staircasewhere the prosecutors say the killer was hiding when he shot Paul Duncsak back in 2006.

So how fat is fat? Well, the 62-year-old stands 5 foot 8 and weighs about 285 lbs. He claims there's no way he could have pulled off the shooting and the fast getaway the killer made.

An attorney for Ates claims that in 2006, the 62-year-old who stood 5 feet 8 and tipped the scales at 285 pounds was in such bad physical shape that couldn't have pulled off the shooting or the fast getaway the killer made.

Prosecutors claim Ates drove from Fort Pierce, Fla., to Duncsak's $1.1 million home in Ramsey, NJ and shot him as he came home from work.

Apparently, the victim was talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone when he entered the house and was shot. After hearing a scream from him, followed by a thud, the woman called 911. Police arrived minutes later, but the killer was gone.

First of all, ONLY IN AMERICA would this be an acceptable line of defense. OBESITY is a serious problem here and everyone in the world makes fun of how fat Americans are.

Secondly, if I were a detective (which I really wish I was) I'd take that same drive from Florida to New Jersey, stopping at every rest stop with a McDonald's, Burger King, etc. and flash the photo of the accused fatass. I'm sure if he took that drive, he stopped along the way.

Also, I don't think that height and weight is "obese" but to each their own.