November 15, 2009

Peelin' off the skinny's

I remember the days of canoodling with the opposite sex - even watching some intense romantic scenes on TV. And do you know what I always think about? Jeans. Men's jeans to be precise. Remember the days of belt-teasing and normal fitting pants?

Nowadays when I see these MEN wearing SKINNY jeans, I can't help but think about the annoyingness of taking those pants off. I mean, even if I were a dude. I don't get. Literally, you have to PEEL them off instead of just "slipping" out of them.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF SKINNY JEANS ON A MAN?!?!?!!? It's like a bad bacteria that has spread epidemically across the nation. At first, skinny jeans for males were basically for the Gay and the Artsy - a population of males I adore, but have no interest in dating. So skinny jeans never used to bother me in that respect. But now - they're EVERYWHERE! On every TV show, on every type of guy.

Do you think I want to see your tiny chicken legs? Do you think it's attractive for women to be in bed with a man who is skinnier than her? I just can't grasp the concept and I know I've written about it before - but after being in LA for the past week and walking down Melrose - I couldn't help but get ANGRY at these boys. I hate hate HATE skinny jeans on men.

And it's not just the jeans- men are more skinnier now than ever before. I'm not particularly into the stereotypical Belmar Jersey Boy - but I'll tell you something...their bodies are a lot better than those men who are about 140lbs. I love me a bigger man - most likely so I don't roll over and kill them in my sleep - and also so I feel warm, cozy and safe. You know what a skinny man would make me feel like? Shit. That's what.

The following are ways to tell if your stupid skinny jeans are way too tight:

  1. Always readjusting because your baby makers are in pain
  2. You cannot sit or bend your lefts
  3. If you squat, your buttons will burst
  4. You have absolutely no ass-shape
  5. You need help putting them on and taking them off.
  6. Others can see ... um, veins.

Just stop this insanity.

In other news, I've decided to start a trend wherein I call a guy a Flinstone if he's really good looking and doable. You know, can Flinstone make the Bedrock?