December 25, 2009

15 Things for a Jew to do ... on Christmas

The common joke amongst Jews regarding what to do on Christmas is 1) go to the movies and 2) eat Chinese food - Apparently, the only two type of establishments not closed.

Here's some OTHER things you can do:
  1. Do some volunteering. There are plenty of shelters and soup kitchens that need our help. I mean, we have nothing better to do, so why not help the less fortunate for a day?
  2. Dress up like Santa Claus and pass out toys to random gentiles
  3. Go house to house and sing carols
  4. Stores and such may be closed, but Planet Earth is open. Go hiking or take a trip to the beach!
  5. Just drive around. Enjoy the lack of people on the roads. This should be done during the day, as I cannot guarantee SAFE roads in the evening time.
  6. Substitute Chinese food with Vietnamese food
  7. If you're married and ready, spend all day trying to make babies
  8. Break out the Manashevitz and get WASTED
  9. Watch a Christmas Story (the worst movie ever!) about 4.6 times on TBS
  10. Think of Non-Jewish versions of your last name.
  11. Come up with another way to spell Chanukah or Hanukkah or .......
  12. Play with the driedel for for a good 15 minutes before realizing that you have no idea how to play driedel
  13. Express your contempt to anyone who wishes you a Merry Christmas. Explain in detail why you don't appreciate being told that, given that you do not believe Jesus Christ is your lord and savior.
  14. Come up with a list of things that Jews should do on Christmas
  15. Find a Matzo Ball party near you. Go. Meet some nice single Jews. Marry. Procreate.