December 29, 2009

Never Again in '10 - A Top 10 List

As you recall last year, I made a list over things that I was over for '08. This year, I'm making a new list, Never Again in '10. Below you will find all the things that I'm NOT looking for in the year 2010.

1. Slow Walkers. After having moved to New York City, the annoyance of slow walkers has increased tremendously. Back when I was employed, I had the same steady commuting routine. Though the commute was aggravating with all the slow walkers and halt-stoppers, I still new the nooks and crannies of my route - enough to navigate through the crowd with minimal interference. Now, being unemployed and city-planted, I walk around aimlessly, taking in the city as much as I can. Especially recently, with the holiday season, the paths of people walking around the streets of New York City are just freightening. Human crashes occur on a daily basis. In fact, if New Yorkers were nicer, I would venture to guess that "Excuse me, please" would be the most used phrase on the street.

2. Fat Kids. It's an absolute disgrace that such a walk of life exists. When I see a fat kid (not a baby - but OLDER fatter children) I get really upset wondering whether they will grow out of their "chubby" or if their doomed for teenage torture years.

3. Being Unemployed. Did I mention this list is in no particular order? Because it's not. Otherwise, this would be number one. I HATE being unemployed. I understand I'm supposed to revel in the fact that I get paid to do "nothing" by the government and that I'm going to work the rest of my life and should enjoy this time of freedom. I get all that. But not having a daily agenda, for ME personally, is probably the worst thing.

4. Pictures of couples in front of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. I mean, that one speaks for itself. I cannot stand Rockefeller Center pictures. Every year you take pictures in front of the tree, but every year they look the same. In fact, a picture in front of your tree at home would come out much better for the purposes of framing. Group shots, not a problem. Two people, annoying.

5 and 6. Maury Povich and Jerry Springer. Maury, these people who are ridiculing themselves on national television for the purposes of finding out if they are the parent of a child in question are beyond my comprehension. How much could a paternity test possibly be? Why must they go on television to hear "You are NOT the Father!"? Now, Jerry Springer is the talk show version of the World Wrestling Federation (Entertainment). It's like, NOT real, right? But people believe it is? I am confused. There is no way that people would SERIOUSLY go on this show to be guests under the title names such as "Hot Tempered HoeDown," "The Babysitter Stole My Husband," and "My Pimp Wants to Marry Me." I mean, am I right here people??

7. Not having any game. I really have none. I need to learn some. Can someone please write a book about how to get game when you don't have any? Thanks.

8. Cheating Celebrities. Mainly, Tiger Woods and Jon Gosselin. If I don't have to hear about those two hooking up with other chicks ever again, I'd be a happy camper. Tiger, you have a HOT ASS wife. Why on EARTH do you need to do other women? WHY? Why did you jeopardize your PERFECT life? Your kids will now hate you, your career is shot to shit and your wife is still in the bathroom washing her mouth out with soap. Jon, you are just a piece of crap. Initially, I didn't hate you as much as I do now. Sure your life was stressful, eight kids and a wife with an annoying yap. But before cheating, out of respect and loyalty, you should have gotten a divorce first. You have come out looking like the worst person of all time and it's just a shame that your eight children will grow up to learn all these truths about you. Shame on you, cheaters.

9. Young Celebrities and their antics. Selena Gomez - who?? Miley Cyrus, put your clothes on. Taylor Swift, you're cute - but stop singing about love. You're 12. Lindsay Lohan, you were over in '08 - but really, stay incognito. It's better without you in the media. You're a good girl gone bad and you just need to get your shit together and straighten up.