December 17, 2009

The Only Game I Like to Play is Rock Band...or Scrabble

Ah, ladies. There are hundreds of books written about “the games.” How to play them, how to act when the man you like is playing them, etc. Personally, next on my list to read is “Why Men Marry Bitches” – which comes highly recommended from one of my friends who acts, thinks and reacts exactly like I do.

You know when you’re with someone – hooking up or whatever it may be – it’s late at night, the conversations are insightful, the caressing feels natural and the soft kisses are delicate. At that particular moment in time you think, “Nothing will ever feel different with this person.” Right. Until the sun comes up. Then it’s like letting a bull out of a stable in a rodeo. Let the games begin!

In business, you always have to manage the expectations of your clients. Why shouldn’t it be the same when you start dating someone? Why the aloofness? Why the lack of attention? If you’re not into someone, you’re not into them.

Look, I don’t think I play games, but I’ve been told otherwise. If I’m receiving texts, emails and calls from men I’m not interested in, I am guilty of either a) ignoring or b) continuing to be nice because I feel bad. Is that a game? Am I supposed to be truthful and say “I’m just not that into you. Fuck off.” I guess maybe I should. That said, when I don’t get timely responses or see ongoing interest, why don’t I just think “Ok, he’s not into me – got it.”

But here’s the thing. Sometimes, after a rendezvous – I’m not INTERESTED anymore, but I still want to keep things kosher. So, I overcompensate with a few texts or calls to make sure we can still be friends. Clearly, that has been misinterpreted plenty of times with me being too aggressive – ergo: the guy thinks I am overly liking him but really I just don’t want things to be weird – ergo: we don’t talk anymore.

My one male whore friend out in California said the following, “We love [the P-word], our ego stroked and freedom. But we can only have two – not all three.”

Another male friend said that all guys are different, but they enjoy the thrill of the chase and want what they can’t have. Hence, why the aloof card is so valuable to play. But there’s that word again “play.” Eff that.

You’re either into someone or you’re not. Here are the main buckets I see:
  • You’re either into them for just companionship
  • Into them for just sex
  • Into them for a relationship
  • Not really into them but they help boost your ego so you keep them around
  • Not into them at all and only feel a friendship

That’s it. I see no other options here. I realize I’m being hypocritical and one-sided, given my behavior when I don’t like someone. The difficulty is trying to apply that to yourself when your feelings aren’t shared in return.

And those are my thoughts on THAT.