Jokes My Boyfriend Tells Me

 

My boyfriend knows I LOVE to hear a good joke.  Moreover, he knows I love to make up jokes, one-liners and so-called “Zingers”.  What he DOESN’T understand, is that the jokes he tells me – are NOT funny.  I love this man with all my heart, but a comedian, he is not. 

Here are some examples of jokes my boyfriend has told me, thinking that perhaps I hadn’t yet heard them.  I asked if he gets them off of www.jokesthatwerecoolfiveyearsago.com but he assures me the answer is no.

CAUTION: Contains profanity.  So, suck it.

• A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners... the Asian lady says "come
  again"... The blonde replies, "No its toothpaste this time".
• Q: why can't most women go over 68 mph? A: when she goes 69, she blows a rod
• A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, "I wish I had bigger tits".
  The boyfriend says "Well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months".
  "How will that help to make my tits bigger?" asks the girlfriend.
  "Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.
• a man walks into a hotel lobby and by accident his elbow bumps into a hot girls big fluffy tits and the woman looks a little angry so the man said if your heart is as soft as ur tits u would forgive me so the woman says if ur elbow is as hard as ur dick im in room 224
• A guy wlks into a bar with a steering wheel on his penis and the bartender asks: 'Why do you have a steering wheel on your penis?' and he replies: 'Arg it's driving me nuts.' ha ha ha
• Q. What kind of bees make the best milk?  (I hope you all don’t need to know the answer this one)
• Sam approached a very beautiful woman in the Walmart and said,
  “I lost my wife here in the Super Walmart Super Center.
  Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked puzzled.
  “Why talk to me?” she asked. “Because every time I
  talk to a woman with boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere
• Q. What did the bra say to the hat? A. You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift
• Two blondes came into a bar, sat down, and ordered drinks. They were making merry in a serious way and it was obvious to the bartender that they were celebrating something big. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he says " I hate to be nosy, but it's obvious that you two are celebrating something big. What's the occasion" One blonde replies "Well, we are just sooo proud of ourselves, because we just finished - just the two of us alone - a 50 piece jigsaw puzzle in only 3 days." Confused, the bartender says "So?", to which the other blonde says "Well, on the box it says 3 - 5 years"

 

THOUGHTS?!