August 3, 2010

Who is Justin Bieber?

I’m 28-years-old and obviously cancelled my subscription to Tiger Beat many moons ago.  For many pop stars nowadays, it seems like the younger, the better.  First there were Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson – all of whom rose to fame by the age of 16.  Less we forget about Lil Bow Wow, who was basically rapping in between diaper changes.  But now, Justin Bieber?  Like, who the fuck are you? 

Justin Bieber was born in 1994, which is probably around the time I started my menstrual cycle.  He became a YouTube sensation when he was discovered by Scooter Braun, who arranged for Bieber to meet Usher. Cut to: Bieber has a recording contract with Island Records.

The fact that this child sings about girls, Valentine’s Day, dates, break-ups, make-ups, love forever, etc. just makes me chuckle.  Shouldn’t this fool be studying for the SAT’s?  I mean, by the time he started recording his second album this year, his voice was deeper because he finally hit puberty.  Ok? We were rockin’ and rollin’ to a PRE-PUBESCENT BOY’S jams.  It is WE the American public, who should be ashamed of ourselves.  We talk this mo-fo up like he’s the offspring of the King of Pop – relating to his lyrics and singing along like doofuses to this teenager’s lyrics. 

In any event, here we are – older, some of us established, married, in relationships, career-focused and wondering whether there’s enough time in our days to accomplish the goals we would like to by “XX” age.  Then, there’s Justin Bieber.  A 16-year-old twat who is about to put out an AUTOBIOGRAPHY and star in a feature film about his life and his career.  Ok?  I’m sure chapters two and three, describing his life in pampers, will be just riveting.  I hope this book makes it to New York Times Bestseller list, just so I can call Rupert Murdoch and personally bitch him out.

And those are my thoughts on that.