Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

I judge your Facebook Status Updates

• Alyson Hagert what do you MEAN Chipotle doesn't serve breakfast?
• Rachel Schulties ‎5 Years ago today I said YES to the most important question of my life. Mike Schulties - Thanks for asking me to marry you, it has been the best roller coaster ride ever.
• Matt Sullivan ‎"Moroccan Cannon" would be a great nickname for a pitcher, porn star, UFC fighter or 1980s wrestler...
• Lauryn Kahn Nostalgic alert: Roomie and I are talking about when people would sell Gourmet lollipops in high school for fund raisers and they were cool because they were a little more expensive. And you'd eat them during class like "yeah I bought one of these gourmet lollipops"...remember
• Brittany Mendenhall I wonder if @paulwalker47 knows I won a walk on the beach w/ him on TRL in 03 but missed the call because my phone was off during prom. Sigh
• Roland Brian Alonzi So this guy OBLaden_queda has not made a move in our Words with Friends game for more than two days! Three more days and he's going to be forced to resign the game!
• Matthew Wurman I swear, the Girl Scouts put crack in their cookies!
• Anthony Crupi Birds actually could be saying terrible things to each other. ("Chirp chirp EAT MY SHIT chirp tweet DIE OF SEPTIC SHOCK.") There's just no way to know for sure. Unless you ask a bird and they're probably fuckin' liars anyway.
• Alicia Corbett Ok everyone, let's ALL change our passwords now. Seriously. I'm over all the hacking now.
• Matt Levine Random Comment: You would think 'New York Film Academy' would have more impressive commercials...
• Dana Prigge According to SELF Magazine: Speak no evil. Talking trash behind someone’s back is linked to an increased risk of depression. Rather, pay a compliment & reap the rewards!!
• Stephanie Thoensen pretty sure I just set the record for taking the longest amount of time to build an ikea bed.
• Jen Khoury If Donald Trump becomes our next president, I'm leaving the country.
• JohnBart Skelton Color me country crock,.....johnbart is spread WAY too thin right now!
• Sam Leigh You gotta ask yourself, are you a Mexi-can, or a Mexi-can't?
• Marissa Spano Why do people think it's ok to don the confederate flag? My daughter and husband's heritage stems from the South where slavery was happily abolished. Don't test me because of my lack of melatonin. Test yourself for a lack of knowledge.
• Lauryn Kahn There's gonna be a lot of roofied Tequila drinks tonight
• Sam Leigh Chevy's tonight: Be there, or be cuadrado.
• Erin O'Neill my paleo lunch of spaghetti squash, spinach, basil, and tomatoes cooked with wine is delicious. however, it is not tacos, and that's what i really want on this cinco de mayo.
• Zhanna Zonis ‎"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
• Maria Lauretta When you're SINCERELY happy for others happiness will truly be attracted to you!! =)
• Alexis Tirado Some days I wake up and can't believe Demi Moore is 48.