Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

I judge your Facebook Status Updates

• Becky Salman So if anyone is curious as to how my Allure internship is going...please refer to The Devil Wears Prada. Thanks.
• Nicole Mara S ‎"Single doesn't always mean lonely & relationship doesn't always mean happy."
• Cyril Khersonsky Smartest decision of 2011, Peeing before getting on the bus
• Avital Aronowitz-Photo You know there is something wrong when $4.19 is the sign of dropping gas prices
• John Cosgrove at least with all this rain I won't have to pick up any dog poop in the backyard this week
• Andrew Goldstein ‎"I'll be BARE-back." - Arnold Schwarzenegger before he banged Mildred the housekeeper.
• Becky Pestana Our live-in housekeeper/family assistant was all set to start today, then Arnold had to go and ruin it for everyone. I guess this means I'm going to have to keep doing our laundry and assisting my own family.

  Erin Oleson MacDonald Mrs. Brady knew what's what - that's why she hired Alice

  28 minutes ago ·  ·  1 person

• Rachel Packer How cool! Bobbi Brown is on my flight to Miami!!! (of course when I told Joe his dumb ass whipped around and thought I was talking about the singer rofl)
• Doug Zayat So if this Christian group truly believes the world is going to end on May 21st they should have no problem with signing over their savings accounts to me, right?
• Colleen Krenzer Gentlemen: Sweating in spin class? Sure, I'm with you. Wringing out your shirt to show your buddy how much, right in front of me? You're gross.
• Zhanna Zonis A conversation with my (otherwise intelligent) co-worker by the water cooler earlier today...
  Co-worker: “All this Apocalypse talk is so ridiculous! I can’t believe people actually believe that the world will end on Saturday!”
  Me (silently thinking to myself): “Thank G-d – at least this one is normal!”
  Co-worker (continues talking): “It’s going to happen on May 21st of 2012, not 2011!!!”
  Oy vey…
• Brian John Kniffel is confident that the acquisition of a single egg fry pan will significantly increase his quality of life.
• I LITERALLY laughed out loud for this one: Ben Schwartz If Sesame Street wants to stay relevant they finally have to tell people how to get there.
• Jim Mannino I remember when madonna was too cool for oprah. better times.
• Colleen Krenzer good times. House alarm going off. Don't know the code to turn it off. On the upside, not hung over like I was last time this happened.
• Shawn Bado Drinking almond milk just seems so nutty!
• Rachel Packer Zappos is insanely amazing...I called them at 9:30 last NIGHT and told them a pair of shoes I ordered broke while I was wearing them, and I literally had a new pair on my doorstep at 11:00 this morning...that's gotta be a record or something!
• Zlata Faerman Since I started doing origami regularly, my ability has increased ten-fold.
   Comment: Tarik Trad My best friend is a Filipino Origamist - yes, he's a Manilla Folder!
• Christian Concepcion Kill the haters with kindness....and if that doesn't work let The Navy Seals take care of it.
• Angela Balsamo Meetings about meetings... I just don't get it
• Paula Froelich Is it weird that People magazine keeps showing pics of Pippa Middleton's butt? Someone over there is obsessed
• Jennifer Caluri everytime I see the commercial for Unbreakable (Khloe and Lamar) I smell vanilla, cocoa butter, musk sweat and want to throw up
• Chris Morran I just looked up at the TV and thought "oh wow... RuPaul looks pale these days." Alas, it was Khloe Kardashian.
• Janine Recchione My yoga pants have now become so all-purpose, I should just call them pants.
• Anthony Crupi Fans of Parenthood on NBC will be sad to discover that Dax Shepard is dead. Or at least he will be after I'm done kicking his ass. You know what you did, scumbag. 
• Ben Schwartz If there was a store that sold human brains, zombies wouldn't be that big of a threat anymore.
• Nicole Witover People who start emails with "just. friendly reminder" need to be reminded that they are assholes. And not in a friendly way.
• Ben Mehl I hope when I have kids I am a great role model for them...Unlike the mother at CVS I just saw who screamed at her kid to put back the Men's Health magazine as she bought a Monster energy drink and a pack of Marlboro's. Disgusting.
• Alyson Hagert Is it strange that I picture Bill Clinton on the sax in the new Gaga tracks?
• Leah Cramer I just overheard a grown adult playing the "no, you hang up first" game. Disgusting.
• Brian Hans Fixing up a house is SO easy and inexpensive. Everyone should do it.
• Jim Shi Dear Mother Nature, I would love to work together in the near future. Let me know your thoughts. Best, My Spring Wardrobe.
• Lauren Ramsey and I quote: "u wanna see bridesmaids? it got great reviews" -Chris Kooluris