I judge your Facebook Status Updates.
- Brian John Kniffel Pain is weakness leaving the body.
- Adam Clark I wish I invented the pants pocket. If that were the case, they'd be better known as, thigh bags.
- Jason Schwab Foursquare checkins are no longer appearing on my facebook wall. Anyone know what could be causing this? Oh, the troubles one runs into in the 2010s.
- Tarik Trad I am cleaning up my Facebook friends. Let me know if you prefer a loofah or a sponge.
- Maggie Di Vita Netflix just sent me a notification that "Justin Bieber - Never Say Never" has been delivered today... and I am SUPER excited about it. Sigh.
- Anthony Crupi Awwwwwws, the inventor of Mad Libs died. And now ______ [plural noun] are going to ______ [verb] his ______ [singular noun].
- Jennifer Caluri it should be illegal to post a picture of yourself from 15 years ago and try to pass it off as current
- Romi Pelc Jeez if you've been on the Maury show 16 times to find the father of your children doesn't that tell u something?
- Jimmy Im pitched in a hundred bucks for a dinner I didn't have and just found a hundred bucks in a cab. wow. does karma really exist??
- Allan Finn A horrible little teenager yelled out the "N" word in the middle of a comedian's set tonight. Thank you for the PSA. I'll be sure to pull out and use a condom tonight. I may even get a vasectomy first thing in the morning. God, I hate people.
- Adam McKay No one ever answers my friend Cal LerBlocked's calls.
- Marissa Croughan thank the sweet lord the weekend is here. happpppy 348th month bday to my bestie Brianne Bartlett DeLucca !!!!! (That's 1508 weeks to be exact.)
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