November 21, 2011

The Best Thanksgiving Story Ever - Gobble Gobble

Since Thanksgiving is all about tradition and what you're thankful for - I am honoring the tradition of posting this story annually and continue to be thankful that this person is no longer in my life.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
An Introduction:  On Monday, November 20, 2006 at approximately 11:00am, Zlata received a phone call from her mother, Galina.  She was at ShopRite, frantic about something having to do with a turkey.  Zlata had no idea what her mother was talking about.

“I’m supposed to get a free turkey because I spend over $300!!” said Galina. “But I’m standing here at the counter and the lady is telling me that someone already redeemed the free turkey on Saturday.  Was it you, Zlatachka?  Did you buy the turkey?!  I have to pay $24 for this thing now!”

“Mom, what are you talking about,” started Zlata. “Why in G-d’s name would I purchase a turkey?!”

… at that particular moment, Zlata ex-boyfriend Marc stood up (that’s right – same office – 150 Sq. Ft.) and with his jaw dropped to the third ripple in his triple chin exclaimed, “Wow! OOPS…that was me!”

“I’ll call you back, Mom!”  And with that, Zlata stood up to approach Marc and ask him how this could have happened.

Well, it seems that Marc had Zlata’s ShopRite Price Plus card from back when they lived together and for whatever reason, Galina was using Zlata’s account as well.

Below are the emails that took place for the rest of the day……Enjoy and feel free to pass along to others…in the Spirit Of Thanksgiving.
From Start to Finish……….. Gobble Gobble
The price of the turkey was $24.  If you want a receipt for reference, my mom will give you a copy.  Please bring in that money and the ShopRite card on Monday.  I would laugh at this if I didn’t hate you so much.  My mom is really upset that she’s been totaling up points and you’ve been reaping the benefits.
Thanks a lot.  See you Monday.
Not sure how to respond.  Not my fault I had this card.  This is a valid mistake that I do not think should be penalized.  I too have put a number of points on the card and I am not sure how we could evenly distribute them to find out who rightfully deserves the turkey.  I at this juncture I think I should pay only half.  Also the butterball is an upgrade from what was offered….
Dear Marc,
My mom obviously spends a lot more money than you at ShopRite.  Please do the right thing and bring in the card and $24 on Monday.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving.
Thank you,
How can you honestly quantify that.  This is an honest mistake.  No one ever really thinks of where there shop rite card comes from.  And for you information I have funded the last 5 tailgates for the Giants games we have been going to from shop rite using this card.  Why would your mom even have your card in the 1st place?  Like I said I will split it with her and return the card.
It’s pointless to argue about this... bottom line: my mom doesn't need your $12, but I would be more than happy to collect on her behalf.  See you, my card and my $12 Monday morning.
Well if you don’t need it…I mean what is this, a shake down?  I had no idea nor was I thinking this was your card when I use it time and time again.  I had no intentions on using yours or your mom’s points toward my benefit…trust me…It is actually funny.   I would be more then happy to collect my video camera on my behalf too but that hasn’t happened.  You know I just don’t feel like lugging that card on the subway
You can keep the card so it won’t weigh heavy on your wallet in the subway – I’ll cancel the account.  You can just give me the $12 (today if you have it, Monday if you don’t).
Yes, this is funny – as I previously stated.

As for your camera, I was home and waiting that one day that we agreed upon…you didn’t come, nor did you call.
Sounds good.  I will open my own account.  Something I clearly bypassed.  I think your mom splurged a bit by grabbing the butterball.  That wasn’t in the promotion.  What can we do about working that down?  “How big is da bird?”
She didn’t grab a butterball, what are you talking about, I just put that in the headline.  She bought a turkey, just as you did and her total was $24 … yours was free because it’s ONE free turkey per card.  You have my card and she has my card … I don’t even have a card……
I don't have time to break it down for you marc, if that's what you meant by "working it down"...the damn NON-butterball turkey was $24...hence, simple math tells us that since you so GRACIOUSLY offered to pay for half, that would equal $12 for me, and $12 for that I’ve "worked that down" for you, I actually have work that I have to get back to...if you have the $12 dollars today, you can bring it to me, if not, like I said before, I will see you AND my money on Monday.
Yeah, the fact of me just giving you $12 “that your mom doesn’t need” doesn’t settle well with me.  Have your mom get me a receipt to verify piceand I will give her a check written out to her.
"Doesn’t settle well with you?" uh what you're pious all of sudden? (  definition #4) ...but, that's neither here nor there...I’ll provide you with a copy of the receipt upon which I then expect your generous payment of half (you can use a calculator if you'd like to be precise)... for the amount my mother paid for the turkey...oh, and what the hell, in the spirit of thanksgiving, enjoy the bird.
I was soo overwhelmed when I was at the ShopRite counter when they told me I won a free turkey.  I started thinking, what the hell am I gonna do with a free turkey.  I said that I might as well get it, I won it.  So on Saturday I am having a friend’s Thanksgiving.  You are more then welcome to join.  Please see invitation below:  Let me know what you want to bring…
Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the mass email.
Marc and I are having a Friend's Thanksgiving at our place in Jersey City on Saturday, November 25th and would like to invite you all. We thought it would be a nice idea to get everyone together to have some good food (more turkey), good drink (get hammered) and good times (we've been known to play poker on occasion)!
We are asking that whoever comes please bring something...either an appetizer, a side item, dessert or alcohol. Marc and I are will be handling the turkey and the main sides (sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce etc.). We will of course have some alcohol to start off with. If anyone has a special dish that they'd like to make, please let us know. We don't want to break the bank, so please keep the spending to a minimum ($10-15 per person is more than enough). Here is a list of suggested items so we have a well-balanced spread throughout the day.
cheese and crackers
vegetable platter
shrimp cocktail
crab dip
pumpkin pie
apple pie
antipasto salad
You get the idea...
Please let me know what you plan to bring so I can make sure everyone brings something different...thanks!
Plan to arrive at our place around 2:30 will have to park on the street, sorry. (Contact Marc or I for directions if you need them).
We hope that everyone can make it for dinner, if not, feel free to stop by for a drink.
We encourage everyone to have a good time and get loaded, therefore, everyone is more than welcome to spend the night...we'll make do!
Please RSVP by Wednesday, November 22nd. No need to hit REPLY ALL...
We look forward to seeing everyone there...Happy Thanksgiving!
Todd and Marc
From Zlata to Marc:
Very funny…please bear in mind how small this office is and I already knew you were having this “Friends Turkey Day.”  You went to purchase the turkey FOR this sure-to-be amazing event.  Also, don’t think for one minute that YOU won that free turkey, as it has been claimed by my mother each and every year.  For whatever reason, you had my card and again – reaped the benefits of having once been involved with me (yes, a less frequent occurrence nowadays).
$12. Today or Monday. 
From Marc to Zlata:
Yeah, because the last time I was there on the receipt they told me I won one.  SO I planned this Saturday around my free turkey.  LOL  I guess I didn’t use it last year and wasn’t aware.  I have been using the card an awful lot so figured I hit the quota this yr.  whatever, it was a simple/honest mistake.  I am not trying to deprive the Faerman household of a turkey, trust me.  Get me a receipt and I will get you money or maybe we should go by the bird that I go considering it was with the one that was redeemed with the receipt.
From Zlata to Marc:
Please end this.  I will get you the receipt, but you know that you’re just making a bigger deal of this than it is, because I’m not going to lie to you about the cost of the turkey.  I’m sure you have $12 on you now, so we can put a stop to this before the end of this day.  If not, it will drag until Monday, that’s fine
From Marc to Zlata:
I  have twelve dollars and I WILL NOT just give it to you because you think you deserve it or something like that.  I will write a check to your mom to reimburse her for the turkey.  I am not buying your f in cigarettes.  What do you think this.  I should get her a $12 gift card to shop rite is what I should do
From Zlata to Marc:
Sweetie, I DESERVE a lot more from you than just $12, but that’s not the issue at hand, now is it?  The issue is you owe my mom $12 and I’m seeing her tonight.  I will be more than happy to give it to her. Trust me, I don’t need you to buy me my “f-in” anything…I’ll have the receipt for you on Monday, since you have been so mature about this entire ordeal…I wonder where you get that from?

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