November 21, 2011

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

Here are some updates that made me laugh today:

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that there is a crack head lady on my train wearing an eye patch and telling a story in her raspy voice about a fiancé who killed somebody. My guess is she'll be getting off at Newark...

Last week Congress reaffirmed Pizza's status as a vegetable... Any wonder why our nation's children are obese?

Taylor Swift won the biggest award of the night and forgot to thank @kanyewest. Is he not the man responsible for all of this? #AMA

My friend Dan Mayer just completed an Ironman. No big deal you say? He swam 2.4 miles, biked 112 miles, and figured that wasn't good enough, so ran a marathon afterwards. U mad? Yea u mad. I'm certainly mad.

Few things in life make me happier than a Diet Coke fountain soda, no ice

My "International House of Pancakes" should be renamed "Mexicans Who Hate Their Lives House of Pancakes."

It is time I admitted the hard truth to myself: Smart Balance just isn't good for baking.

So apparently, I have a 5 year old parking ticket in NJ that I never paid...and my license in NJ is suspended. Woohoo!!!

Dear Kohl's: Your use of Rebecca Black's song "Friday" in your new holiday commercial has ensured that I will never set foot in your store this year.

Now it's Ali & Roberto. I don't get it... it is almost as if these romances between people who fall in love in idealized, unrealistic settings within an 8-week period - all while being filmed for national television - aren't real. Thankfully we still have Trista & Ryan to restore our faith in true television love.