December 21, 2011

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:


Um, did anyone else know that Kurt Loder is 66 years old?!?! WTF!

Dear "I need this yesterday" person:
When I drop what I’m doing and have people drop what they are doing to meet your need because "you need it yesterday" but then you go MIA for several days it makes me want to take your dangle's and slam them in a drawer. If you needed it yesterday one would think when you got these items that were so dire to you as stated, I as I’m sure many would expect some sort of urgency, a little peep in your step, a little hop tidily hop...
Sincerely,
The guy who won't be working with you any longer..TID!  For those of you who don't know, TID means "take it deep."

In anticipation for the Jets vs. Giants game this weekend I am calling everyone I know now, because by Saturday they will all be blacked out.

If someone is silly enough to send a mass email and not bcc the recipients please, at least, be smarter than the average bear and not reply to all with your witty and insightful "LOL" reply. 7 in the last 23 minutes... Common sense just isn't common.

If a doctor takes your blood pressure rectally, switch doctors.

I think Ryan Gosling is just naturally airbrushed.

Takin my bros to Carmines for lunch... Just ordered Fried Mozzarell, Fried Calamari, Penne Vodka and Chicken Parm. The waitress' response (in all seriousness), "Do you want me to wait to bring it out till the rest of your party comes?" ... That's how the Fahmy Boys roll! ;-)

How come Oprah's Favorite Things never included Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster?

When your feet are SO ashy, you look as though you riverdanced your way through a bag of flour....I reckon you should put lotion on them puppies before you dance your way off a cliff.

Holiday Tip: If you're hosting a party with the fireplace channel on your HDTV on in the background, watch out for the drunk guy who might try to throw another log in.

would rather offer to cover a shift for my building's doormen than shell out money for tips this year.