December 26, 2011

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:


Dear tourists on Sixth Avenue: Christmas is over; please get out of the city now. Thank you.

Just got asked out in the target parking lot. Because apparently that's a good place to find a girlfriend.

Really can't stand people that slow to 5mph to go over train tracks... Unless your car is really low to ground, and either way, you're a giant douchbag.

Just saw Santa doing the walk of shame across my neighbor's lawn. Dude was wearing the same red suit he wore yesterday.

If there is any message in the movie Home Alone, it is that child negligence is hilarious and really benefits the child.

Dear 2012,
I dare you to be better than 2011. I dare you.

Dreams come true at Red Lobster. #whitetrashxmascontinues

I love that my parents still sign the cards "from Santa"