January 23, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:

This whole Beyonce lip-syncing scandal is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure Jay-Z never actually had dirt on his shoulders, either.

If I had to summarize my life philosophy into one guiding principle: when you see Mallomars on the shelf, you buy two boxes.

‎"Let's get ready to st-u-u-umble!" -- A soon to be out of work orderly at a paralysis rehab center

I'm not "thick" but I'm not "skinny" either. I'm "Thkinny"

Why do I always forget to bring a book to the post office?

Like ·  ·  · @amandagreen on Twitter · 5 minutes ago viaTwitter · 

Well, this won't help dispel the rumor that Jews have horns.
Well, this won't help dispel the rumor that Jews have horns.

That moment when you realize you are watching a show from your DVR and you've been watching the commercials the whole time. #idiot

I have been thoroughly amused watching (okay, spying) on my neighbors in the bldg next door as they struggle putting together a piece of IKEA furniture. I'd go over with my trust allen wrenches and rubber mallet to help, but they only know me as the weird girl who uses the window light to pluck her eyebrows.

I am trying to figure out when I could use this...http://fab.com/sale/15509/product/277402?fref=fb-like