January 9, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:

At the rate my beard is growing I should be in a band with a drummer named Terry by next week.

THIS is why I don't watch the news....

(1) Adults: sucking on a pacifier can help us sleep better
(2) Viagra for babies: new studies prove that pills can help infants

I cant.

Part of me wants to ask the person using the chainsaw at 2am, 'why?' The other part assumes a person with a chainsaw 2am is not the person to be asked, 'why?' at any time of day...

I don't always drink beer, but when my team can't tackle and gets their balls kicked in, I drink dos Equis until I forget about it.

So you're telling me there's only been ONE day so far this week??

Dear fat chicks (myself included): you already look fat so wearing clothes two sizes too small only makes you look fatter. Stop trying to trick yourself. Plus, you're raping my eyes. Thanks now.

I really don't like the kind of people who rush to hit the door close button on the elevator as you step off on your floor.