March 15, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:

Let's have a moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride stationary bicycles.

I just told the flight attendant that I would assist in the case of an emergency but I totally lied. Matter of fact, if shit gets real, I've already identified the people I need to climb over to get out of the emergency exit.

Why on earth do people still go on cruises? It's clearly never going to be like the Love Boat.

John Bart
ME (To Sr. Exec): Yes, I actually have my nose pierced, you just can't see it because I keep a clear post in it. Am I even allowed to wear a nose ring here?
BOSS: Why not? You're wearing blue jeans and sneakers. What the hell do I care if what you put on or up your nose (during the daytime).
ME: YAY, thank you!
BOSS: No, thank YOU. I'd rather you wear a nose ring instead of that clear thing that makes you look like you have a black head that needs to be popped.

The smell of Home Depot gets me high.

“Folks, this is the final issue of Cigar Aficionado. We’ve run out of assholes to put on the cover.” — inevitable editorial meeting at an enthusiast title

This person looks headless
This person looks headless