November 14, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people make me laugh:

When you wake up screaming cuz you felt something moving across you face... then realize it was your own thumb  Yep, that happened

Barista to me when I got my coffee today, "Hey remember back in the summer how you used to always be on the way back home from the gym when you came in here?" Point taken barista, point taken...

Does the Gardens mall Christmas decorations going up mean its okay to bring mine out?

"These hormones are too much. You're limited to one emotion per day now." -Yossef

On my tombstone I want it to read, "Good person, inspired a lot of people, kind soul, but that ass was CRAZY in those lululemon pants."

Only two kinds of people wear sunglasses inside, blind people and assholes. And I'm not blind.

My number one pet peeve is someone sweeping next to you at a restaurant. But one thing that's worse; don't ask the customer to pick up their feet so they can sweep under them.