November 25, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh:

Why has FB become so depressing?!...Because people keep sharing news clips! I intentionally avoid the news and prefer to live in my happy bubble thank you. Don't spread sadness. Full stop.

One should never peel an orange after one gets a paper cut.

I just realized I haven't told one single person to sincerely go fuck themselves. I'm slacking today. Sorry folks.

It's 29 effing degrees out. Back to you, Bob

Original e-mail received: 8:00 p.m., Friday
Follow-up e-mail received: 11:00 a.m., Sunday
My office hours: 9:30 a.m. - 6:00 p.m., Monday through Friday

I wish I was that girl that looked at 17 degree weather and thought... I'm going to go for a run. 

Me: Gram, just think. 98 years ago tonight your mom was on the eve of giving birth to you! Wow. Having a baby in 1915... That couldn't have been easy.
Gram: I believe "ouch" is the word you were looking for.

The ugliness of your heart will always shift to your face

If your iphone screen is cracked then you're probably not ready to have a baby

What a warm welcome from Toronto mayor Rob Ford at the airport. I'll be cracked out the next couple of days, talk later

What a warm welcome from Toronto mayor Rob Ford at the airport. I'll be cracked out the next couple of days, talk later