December 2, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth A Mention


You people made me laugh today:

Why has FB become so depressing?!...Because people keep sharing news clips! I intentionally avoid the news and prefer to live in my happy bubble thank you. Don't spread sadness. Full stop.

One should never peel an orange after one gets a paper cut.

I just realized I haven't told one single person to sincerely go fuck themselves. I'm slacking today. Sorry folks.

Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you're a 3 year-old with annoying parents

First day back to work in a week after a relaxing holiday / birthday vacation spent largely in the kitchen. I have forgotten pretty much everything and feel a little off not wearing my apron and oven mitts to the office.

I thought some ankle-length crops and booties would be a great look until the sheer brightness of my pale ankles blinded me in a window reflection.

I won’t be impressed by technology until the day I can close the YouTube app but the music continues playing.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Great, now I gotta figure out how much to tip a delivery drone!!!???

Press Release: "Cocktails for National Bloody Mary Day." Wouldn't that just be a Bloody Mary?

Asked my superstitious friend what happened to her badly banged up car..."Well, you know how I always close my eyes and lift my hands and feet when crossing train tracks? I did that last week... Only I rear-ended up someone." ‪#‎facepalm‬

What a warm welcome from Toronto mayor Rob Ford at the airport. I'll be cracked out the next couple of days, talk later