You people made me laugh today:
Why has FB become so depressing?!...Because people keep sharing news clips! I intentionally avoid the news and prefer to live in my happy bubble thank you. Don't spread sadness. Full stop.
One should never peel an orange after one gets a paper cut.
I just realized I haven't told one single person to sincerely go fuck themselves. I'm slacking today. Sorry folks.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you're a 3 year-old with annoying parents
First day back to work in a week after a relaxing holiday / birthday vacation spent largely in the kitchen. I have forgotten pretty much everything and feel a little off not wearing my apron and oven mitts to the office.
I thought some ankle-length crops and booties would be a great look until the sheer brightness of my pale ankles blinded me in a window reflection.
I won’t be impressed by technology until the day I can close the YouTube app but the music continues playing.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
Great, now I gotta figure out how much to tip a delivery drone!!!???
Press Release: "Cocktails for National Bloody Mary Day." Wouldn't that just be a Bloody Mary?
What a warm welcome from Toronto mayor Rob Ford at the airport. I'll be cracked out the next couple of days, talk later