February 26, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention


Just spent an hour frantically turning my apartment upside down looking for my mobile hotspot. It was in my computer bag. Where, one may argue, it belongs.

I always do a Judd Nelson/Breakfast Club-style fist pump whenever I use the self-check out at CVS and don't require assistance. (Just me? Ok.)

Janine Califano feeling curious
Funny, my to-do list from today seems to consist of everything from my to-do list yesterday...perks of winter break?

Anyone know how to get rid of those red bars on Netflix that indicate you'e already watched that episode? Full disclosure: I cheated on my husband with a (few) episode(s) of House of Cards and need to cover tracks. Thanks!

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. —Erma Bombeck

Tired of this fake FB world.... if we are friends, internet or not, and I contact u, and u don't get back to me... then we ain't friends. GFY

Just overheard a coworker giving detailed instructions to her college-aged son on how to load a dishwasher... Note to self: make sure to teach my boys these simple things before they turn 18!

You know what's awkward? Going to walmart with a giant container of coins to use in that coin star machine and having to walk buy the Salvation Army guy ringing the bell.

Started my day with 20 texts and emails from my team at 7:30am because of an "emergency". Like, we sell data. Nothing is an emergency. Let's keep the drama to non-crisis levels before I've had my morning coffee.

I detest people who put their seat back in economy class.

name a booze "the truth" and make it not available in handles.

If you're have serious conversations with your significant other on Facebook, you need to break up. Or go to therapy.

Recreational marijuana legalization and Taco Bell breakfast: Because we're tired of there being any question as to which nation is the most obese. Mericuh!

I reiterate: your bronzer isn't supposed to resemble Dorito-dust.

So ... was today Ash Wednesday? It's difficult to tell in NYC.