March 3, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention


You people made me laugh:


Guy Fieri and Rachel Ray should should make each other dinner and spare the rest of us.

As I sprinkle cheese on my Trader Joe's vegan enchiladas, I always feel oddly like I'm compromising their virginity.

Dear unnamed coworker:
Thanks for pointing out I've gained weight! SUPER APPRECIATED!
Signed,
the person slashing your car tires later.

Got to come in an hour later today...that means an extra hour of creating excuses for not going to the gym

Woke myself up snoring on the train, slipped and face-planted into the revolving doors at my office (I'm fine, just my ego is bruised) and then pulled a muscle sneezing...because Monday.

The guy at Starbucks started my drink when he saw me walk in... Sign of a problem??

HOLY FUCK! THE OSCARS! Jk. I don't give a fucking cow shit.