February 3, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Deserve a Mention



A guy I went to college with messaged me and asked me to vote for his daughter in some contest. So I emailed him back and was like, "I checked out the link and, sorry, I had to vote my conscience. There were several other impressive children and I voted for one of them." Of course, I was kidding. I never even clicked on the link. He de-friended me! I had no idea that I was friends with someone who was so damn sensitive. Instead of de-friending people to thin the herd, I'm just going to message them and find a way to make them de-friend me. It's more fun that way.

People can be so fucking rude when they catch you eavesdropping on their conversation.

It is surprisingly difficult to purchase a bandana that neither promotes a sport team, nor has been earmarked for a dog. All the other women at Planet Fitness wear a bandana; I want a bandana!

If an alien culture were to have its first experience of humanity via Facebook, it would assume (and not without good cause) that Buzzfeed is some sort of governmental organization that not only provides humans with all of their news, but also helps assign them into bizarre socio-economic castes based on their similarity to movie and/or book characters.

My taxi driver is taking football knowledge from me. Sunday he'll be asking for the Yankees and the Rangers.

So far in today's inbox. "MAKE YOUR MAN CRY THIS FEBRUARY"

If my 20 month old BOY must play with dolls, at least he's got the right idea... Mark Zonis 
If my 20 month old BOY must play with dolls, at least he's got the right idea... @[1563777995:2048:Mark Zonis] 󾌩


Ranch dressing says "education is meaningless" and "I have acrylic nails."

Is Super Bowl over yet?

Happy Chinese New Year! Totally taking today to make the resolutions I didn't make Jan 1st. Happy Weekend!!

"Alina you're the only one in the building not wearing a jersey"

"I'm Jersey enough"