And you thought Thanksgiving came once a year...

For those of you who were with me during my “ShopRite Turkey Gobble-Gobble” * days...this one's for you:

*”ShopRite Gobble-Gobble” is the first in a now two-part series surrounding the extraordinary tales of life after a bad ex-boyfriend. If you’re interested in seeing part one posted, please leave a comment. If I get a high demand, I’ll be sure to bring the supply.

So everyone knows Facebook is a tool with which many use to stay in touch with others. You can poke them, leave a wall posting or even comment on their status updates if you are so inclined.
Well, if you know me, you know I've had quite the past with an ex-boyfriend of mine-lets call him Chip. Chip and I have had a history since the age of 12, starting off as friends before starting an official relationship my junior year of college. By my first year out and his fifth year in, I discovered he had been shacking up with some freshman, five years his junior. Slay season for him? Maybe. Heinous? Obviously. Not only did I get homeboy a job here in the city for after his graduation, but also wrote half his papers so he could indeed, graduate. All the while, he bumped cheeks with Blondie.

Fast forward to current times, Chip and I talk every once in a while, exchanging authentic interest in each other's lives- as could be anticipated by two people who were actually best friends growing up.
Cut to: tonight. His new girlfriend, with whom I have no issues given that she's not the aforementioned Blondie, called me up. At first when she introduced herself, I had no idea who, let’s call her, “Princess Fiona," was. Much to my surprise, she wasn't calling to ask me for counsel on what to get him for Valentine's Day, but to roar at me for leaving a comment on his Facebook page. I mean, really?! I was so incredibly appalled by the call that I actually was speechless, which duh, is not representative of me.
I couldn't even tell you what I wrote to him, but it certainly wasn't anything that would make a girlfriend jealous, since that's a) not my style and b) the thought of having any sort of relations with Chip repulses me.
UPDATE: I went to Chip's page to see what I could have written to warrant such a call. On January 27th, he wrote "Chip can't believe what he just saw," to which I replied, "What did you see?" THAT'S IT. WHAT.DID.YOU.SEE...on JANUARY 27th...
So what bamboozles me is her insecurity, not to mention the audacity she had to place such a phone call. Clearly, what bewilders me too, is the fact that I didn’t know my ex-boyfriend recently had his balls removed. I reckon that's the only reason he would give her my number. He removed his balls, covered them with steel and gave them to Princess Fiona because only a girl with a set of steel balls would have the nerve to make a production out of nothing. In any event, after some more harassment and name calling from Princess Fiona, I decided I'd had enough after she called me a "dumb bitch" for absolutely no reason. I hung up the phone promptly.

Upon getting out of the PATH train, I had a text message from her letting me know that this was her number (DUH, you just called me) and that I can contact her if need be. She threw in an FYI, letting me know that she was with Chip and to wait until tomorrow. Not one to negotiate with terrorists, I promptly texted back with "I feel sorry that this is what you talk about when you're out. Drama is so high school, so I won't be needing to contact you. Thanks!" In an effort to one-up me, which clearly isn't possible, Princess Fiona writes back to let me know that I should follow directions, as she told me tomorrow was when I should contact her. She ended with a pleasant "you dumb broad." At that point, I decided to just directly text Chip and let him know that I'd appreciate it if he have Princess Fiona cease with the contact since she was being rude and it was inappropriate. Now sans balls, Chip never did return my text...

For the record and in my defense, the first and only time I met Princess Fiona was at a bar that she didn't even want to come to once she learned I was there, clearly because of intimidation. Nonetheless, when my friend-at-this-point Chip introduced me to her, I was nothing but nice, as was witnessed by my best friend. Another point to note, is that Chip's wall is full of posts from other females, even ones he’s had relations with who are trying to make plans, etc. What is it about me that deserved a personal attack?

The valuable lesson here is simple: if you are in a relationship with someone and you feel you that a comment from an ex like "What did you see?" validates a phone call to said ex, there is something wrong with either you or with the relationship.

Those are just my thoughts.


Xo,
Z.