Oscar Night Recap

Last night, I hung out at my friend Nicole's apartment with Chowder, some Gold Rush, Barbara Walters and the rest of the Oscar crew - so here we go:

Barbara Walters Special

• It's beyond me that Barb has made it this far in her career with her incredible speech impediment. Granted, Tom Brokaw has had similar respectable success, which leads me to believe we love correspondents with difficult names (Sade Bederenwa) and those who have issues speaking. When introducing the Jonas Brothers, Barb says, "Weel, bwothdas" and I wonder for a moment why she's never gone to any sort of class for this problem.
• Speaking of the Jonas Brohems - I mean, are they really virgins? To resist temptation of females, they said, "We just go back to the truck after a show and play with mom." .... I guess maybe they ARE virgins.
• Hey Mickey - you're probably the coolest guy in Hollywood now, but I'm not sure it's okay to have an interview with Babs Walters with your hand down your pants ... do you?
• Hugh Jackman - Why have I never realized how incredibly hot you are? Seriously, sexiest man next to Brad Pitt. I also loved his exit line from the interview - "A little more show and a little less biz" - when referring to himself doing a little song and dance whilst being a host with the most. I'll tell you one thing though, it was unnecessary for me to witness the lapdance he did for Babs. I mean, I was eating dindin. Save it.

Red Carpet

• Kate Winslet looks fabulous! I'm not particularly into her hairdo from the back, but she still radiates like the sun. Yea, I said that.
• Amy Adams: Great dress, jewelry was unnecessary
• Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick: SJP looks great, obviously. She really carries herself with so much class and dignity, it's incredible. MB - you're not Zac Effron. Not really sure what you're doing with the highlights and slickback
• Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie: I want to be the mustard in your sandwich
• Zac Effron & Vanessa Hudgens: Get off the podium. You are not worth the two minutes of film time. You're 14.
• Robert Downey, Jr.: It was here that Nicole pointed out to me just how difficult it is to get the perfection that was the dimple in his tie. Well done, Mr. Downey, well done.
• Miley Cyrus - I'm sure Angelina is just thrilled to the nines that she is your favorite person in the whole world. I'm glad your dress weighs more than you, too. I mean, DRESS YOUR AGE - the dress was not conducive to your image.
• Anne Hathaway: I like you. I like your dress. You have nice lips.
• Penelope Cruz: We can always count on you to look absolutely stunning! Vintage dress - 50 years of age...cmon now!
  
• Jack Black: I was embarrassed for both you and the interviewee for your time on camera. Horrificnation.

Oscars - 81st Annual Academy Awards

• You know when you really try SO HARD NOT to look at something? Like if you're sitting on a subway and you KNOW someone is staring at you, it's just SO hard NOT to look their way, right? Well, what in the EFF was Jennifer Aniston feeling when she was presenting at the podium, with her arch-nemises and ex-husband right in front of her (front row?) What would you do? I honestly don't know if I'd be able to keep my shit together. I'd pounce on the woman who stole my husband like a puma looking for dinner. I felt terrible for her. Kudos to the Oscars director, who obviously knew America was thinking the same thing and cut to Brad and Angie a few times. Each time, they were smiling politely. Sigh, I feel bad for Jennifer - but I heart Angelina and shit happens in life.
• During the second award presented, Jennifer's face appeared to more surprised at the winner than Sofia Kourtesis' circa 2000 announcing the Prom Queen. Not sure why she was so shocked that Kato won, but alas he did...and what a great speech he gave! And I quote:
  
• Sank you betty much
• Sank you supporters
• Sank you all my staff
• Sank you my pencil
• Sank you ...uh, Academy
• Sank you Amasion
• Sank you my company
• Domo Origato, Mr. Robato
• Sank you
• Sank you betty much
• At this point in time, Nicole and paused the show to update our facebook status updates to have something to do with this speech (which we also rewound four times.) It's always interesting to read status messages during a big TV night, because surely - someone will always be referencing the same show you're watching - and it's just like a giant brainstorm of creative status messages....my next post, but anyway...moving on.
• Ben Stiller & Natalie Portman presented together and Ben did a hysterical parody on Joaquin Pheonix and his appearance on Dave Letterman. I'm pretty sure that won't get old for a while. Ben played the character with a personal touch stating to Natalie, "I want to reture from being the funny guy." -- a pun in itself. Love it.
• I think the reason I thoroughly enjoyed the Oscars this year because the show really brought current events and pop culture into the mix.
  
• Jessica Biel - you may be dating my future husband and you may be hot-tastic, BUT your dress is way too long and fugtastic.
• Obviously, my favorite part was the scene with James Franco and Seth Rogan and their play on the movie, amongst the other movies nominated. It was just really well-thought out, great writing and fantastic integration. Let me ask you something, though -- if pot was such a big deal because it's illegal and what not - why would they go forward with a 5-minute plus skit about it on such a respectable show?? FREE MICHAEL PHELPS! Take a Chance on Me.
  
• Beyonce -- guuurrrrrrrrrl, you got some moves. Did anyone else think she was lip sinking some of the parts? I couldn't tell if Gold Rush was taking over my optic nerves or what -- but it really appeared like that to me! In any event, I LOVED the medley they all put together!! The Oscars were just a REALLY great show last night!!
• Heath Ledger's family accepting the award on his behalf: I cried. A lot. Enough said.
  Quote I took away: "Challenges in life are part of life ... and that's how we learn" Write that down.
• A.R. Rahman - don't be modest or anything, man. He had some saying in Indian that apparently he "normally says when I win an award." Nice dude. Also, the two times you won, you ran off the stage like Napoleon Dynamite. For real??
• One thing that Nicole and I thrived off of are the "People we've lost" portion of the show. We love this part during any awards show. Not sure why, just do. But why didn't they show Heath Ledger in their montage?
  
• Queen Latifah, stop singing. Stick to rapping. Or pretending to act. I actually had to MUTE her because she was that annoying.
• When Kate Winslet won over Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt didn't give a standing ovation, as everyone else did. In fact, Angelina had to bend down to say something to Brad before he stood up. Let's not be Bitter, Bradley.
• Kate Winslet's dad is adorbs!
• Also, have I watched too many movies or something? When Kate was giving her speech, she pulled on her ear twice...was it secret code for something or did she genuinely have an itch?
• Did anyone happen to notice the guy with the REALLY bad teeth sitting behind the producer of Milk? When Sean Penn was accepting his award, they cut to the blond crying dude - Dan Jenkins or Bruce Cohen (one of them) - and a gentleman, if you can call him that, sitting right behind had thee worst teeth I have EVER seen. I just tried to google a picture, but to no avail. I shall keep trying.
• Finally, I LOVE Slumdog Millionaire and I'm really happy it won! Well deserved, well deserved.

There you have it. Oscar Night Recap.