Dear Alexander,I want to go through my boyfriend's phone, but I'm afraid of what I might find. Should I? And if I do find something, what should I do?
--Confused
Dear Confused:
STOP! Drop the phone and hold on to your dignity. Avoid--at all costs--going through your boyfriend's phone or any other communication medium he may use (I.e. Facebook, emails.) You may or may not find what you’re looking for now, but you’ll regret the shadiness in the long run. Three words that took me years to understand and even longer to implement into my own relationships: Honesty, Trust and Respect. Get some. To engage in such an invasion of one’s privacy is to utterly destroy your shot at having any in yours.
If--and only if--you’ve been given probable cause to believe beyond a reasonable doubt that your partner is being unfaithful, your optimum method of discovering the truth is to simply confront him. I know, I know, it’s the oldest trick in the book. But, one thing a guy finds really difficult is looking into a woman’s eyes, lying to her, and getting away with it. You’ll know if he’s lying or hiding something.
A woman equates being loved to being respected and appreciated while a man needs to feel trusted. As soon as a man feels as though all his hard work he’s put in to gain a woman’s trust has gotten him nothing but a tampered-with phone, his response is, “F**k it, she doesn’t trust me anyway, may as well cheat!”
Seriously, put the phone down and let the truth reveal itself. It always does.
Honesty is the best policy.
‘Till next time,
Alexander
STOP! Drop the phone and hold on to your dignity. Avoid--at all costs--going through your boyfriend's phone or any other communication medium he may use (I.e. Facebook, emails.) You may or may not find what you’re looking for now, but you’ll regret the shadiness in the long run. Three words that took me years to understand and even longer to implement into my own relationships: Honesty, Trust and Respect. Get some. To engage in such an invasion of one’s privacy is to utterly destroy your shot at having any in yours.
If--and only if--you’ve been given probable cause to believe beyond a reasonable doubt that your partner is being unfaithful, your optimum method of discovering the truth is to simply confront him. I know, I know, it’s the oldest trick in the book. But, one thing a guy finds really difficult is looking into a woman’s eyes, lying to her, and getting away with it. You’ll know if he’s lying or hiding something.
A woman equates being loved to being respected and appreciated while a man needs to feel trusted. As soon as a man feels as though all his hard work he’s put in to gain a woman’s trust has gotten him nothing but a tampered-with phone, his response is, “F**k it, she doesn’t trust me anyway, may as well cheat!”
Seriously, put the phone down and let the truth reveal itself. It always does.
Honesty is the best policy.
‘Till next time,
Alexander
100 and Counting...
Dear Confused:
I have Zlata Thoughts on this as well. From experience, I can tell you several things. First of all, you have to think about why you want to go through your boyfriend's phone. Do you think he's cheating on you - or do you just want to see if he possibly-maybe is? The problem here - is that you already feel a sense of distrust - and that's a sentiment that's really hard to get rid of. If you don't trust your boyfriend, you should NOT be in a relationship with him. That's a fact. I went through my ex's phone once - because I KNEW he was cheating on me - and I'm glad that I did it, because it was the final straw - the end-all to the bullshit he constantly put me through. I'm not proud of myself for doing it - but I asked him point blank (as Alexander says to do) and he lied right to my face...and I knew it because I know him better than he knows himself. In any event, I knew it would be over regardless of whether or not I found evidence, because I knew I didn't trust him -- and what kind of relationship is that??? Conversely, I was in a relationship where trust issues were NON-issues. I just never worried about anything like that because, as Alexander says again, it was all about trust, honesty and mutual respect. THOSE are the key elements you need in a relationship. So, if you feel like you want to go through his phone - for whatever reason - you need to rethink the relationship.
xo
Z.
DEFINITELY NOT 100 and counting...
Dear Confused:
I have Zlata Thoughts on this as well. From experience, I can tell you several things. First of all, you have to think about why you want to go through your boyfriend's phone. Do you think he's cheating on you - or do you just want to see if he possibly-maybe is? The problem here - is that you already feel a sense of distrust - and that's a sentiment that's really hard to get rid of. If you don't trust your boyfriend, you should NOT be in a relationship with him. That's a fact. I went through my ex's phone once - because I KNEW he was cheating on me - and I'm glad that I did it, because it was the final straw - the end-all to the bullshit he constantly put me through. I'm not proud of myself for doing it - but I asked him point blank (as Alexander says to do) and he lied right to my face...and I knew it because I know him better than he knows himself. In any event, I knew it would be over regardless of whether or not I found evidence, because I knew I didn't trust him -- and what kind of relationship is that??? Conversely, I was in a relationship where trust issues were NON-issues. I just never worried about anything like that because, as Alexander says again, it was all about trust, honesty and mutual respect. THOSE are the key elements you need in a relationship. So, if you feel like you want to go through his phone - for whatever reason - you need to rethink the relationship.
xo
Z.
DEFINITELY NOT 100 and counting...
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Thanks for your ThoughtZ!